untold desire || weston koury

chapter thirty one

after a day of catching up with family and driving around for food, i'm exhausted. weston and kalynn went to unpack a little bit at their house next door, leaving me alone with colin and mom. 

"you guys wanna eat on the back deck?" mom asks us as i finish up tossing a salad in the kitchen. 

"sure," i reply. "it's not too hot."

colin carries three plates out towards the sliding glass door. "yeah, it feels nice out."

i hand mom the salad bowl and pick out silverware to set out on the table. we walk outside and sit down to eat dinner. 

"steak looks great, colin," mom comments, cutting into it easily. i nod in agreement. 

"thanks."

we eat in silence before mom begins to talk again. "so, savannah, what were the highlights of new york?" 

i think about the question, chewing slowly. "well, in like late july, weston and kalynn took me to see all the tourist traps. you know, the statue of liberty, central park, all those places. that was probably one of the best parts of the trip."

"oh, cool," she says. "how are you and weston, by the way?"

of course, the dreaded question. in a way i knew it was coming, and i inhale before responding. "we're good."

she stays quiet, and i think she's expecting me to go into a bit more detail, which won't happen. 

"have you thought about what you're going to do about this summer ending? you'll stay here, he's going back to new york-"

"i know mom," i cut her off. "we're figuring it out. it's fine."

my answer seems sort of like a snap, but i don't mean for it to be. i've just already been stressing over this question and i don't need other people bringing it up. 

"okay," mom says quietly. 

i quickly switch to another topic. "so, where's dad now?" 

"washington. for a press conference," she informs me. 

"wow," i mutter. "far."

"he'll be home on the 16th, though, to send you off to college," her tone lightens a bit, but not by much. 

i bite into a piece of steak aggressively. "yippee. as if i haven't been sent off to college twice now."

"sav," colin mumbles from across the table. our eyes meet, and he has a hint of sadness on his face. "not now."

i sigh angrily. "fine."

the fact that my dad hasn't ever been present doesn't bother me. it's the fact that when he's here, he never even makes an effort. he doesn't bring me anything, like a figurine from ft lauderdale or a t-shirt from pittsburgh. he doesn't even try to be a good parent. my mom has to fill two spots, which is probably why i've always had a rocky, hit or miss relationship with her. 

the worst part is that colin and mom make me feel like it's wrong to be upset about not even really having a dad. colin shushes me at the table or me and mom get into an argument over it, so i barely bring it up anymore to anyone. 

a very healthy coping mechanism. 

the rest of the meal is spent in quiet, the only thing filling the lack of speaking being the crickets and cicadas' loud chirping. 

"i'll do the dishes tonight," i say, taking everyone's plate. maybe washing things will help clear my thoughts, and i definitely don't want to spend the rest of the night alone in my horrific looking bedroom.