untold desire || weston koury

chapter forty

a/n Um.

weston cuts the cake for everyone, but i urge him to cut me a small piece. anxious butterflies have already filled my stomach to the brim, so the last thing i feel like doing is eating.

everyone stand around the open kitchen and living room, chatting while eating the cake colin picked out a few days ago. i take deep inhales and exhales, trying to keep my breathing steady.

it's a little after 6pm. only one more hour.

my lip quivers as i watch our two families converse amongst each other. my palms begin to sweat, and i walk over to scrape the half of my cake that i didn't eat into the trash can.

nervously, i scan the room and meet weston's eyes. his forehead creases with worry as he stares back at me, and i just shake my head. he looks down at the floor with a sad frown.

his reaction causes me to bolt out the door and sit down on the front steps of the porch. i let the evening sun warm my skin while the small gusts of wind cool me off in a matter of seconds.

i rest my elbows onto my knees and hang my chin in my palms. gnats fly around obnoxiously in front of my face, and i swat them away frustratedly. giving up, i press my face into my hands and let myself cry.

the tears come fast and hot, and my eyebrows furrow cheerlessly. i squint my eyes open through the watery brims and peer out at my childhood neighborhood. i've cried countless times on these porch steps, all for various reasons. this reason has been by far the worst.

the door creaks open slowly behind me, and i don't even have to turn around to know who it is. i doubt anyone else saw me walk out of the house except for him.

weston sits down next to me with a sigh, and we both look out at the street in silence. i rest my forearms over my knees and he does the same, our elbows grazing.

he rests his head onto my shoulder droopily, a few pieces of his soft hair flopping over to tickle my neck. i swallow hard. it's difficult not to cry in front of him even though i know he doesn't mind. i just don't want him to remember me this way.

"can we stay this way forever?" weston asks, tilting his head slightly back to look up at me.

the corners of my mouth threaten a frown. "you know how much i wish we could," i whisper.

he doesn't respond for a few minutes. i bite on the insides of my cheeks, pressing both of my lips into my mouth.

weston lifts his head off of my shoulder, but scoots closer to me so our sides our touching. he turns to make eye contact. "you made this summer amazing. i've never been happier, savannah."

"weston-" my voice breaks, the pain submerging into my chest so i can't continue. but my thoughts take another path. "i can't do this."

he coughs, confused. "w-what?"

"i can't do this. i can't do the distance," i decide, my lips staying parted as i finish speaking.

"are you serious?" he asks sadly, facing me now. a tear falls from his eye and hits the step. "you can't be se-"

i stand up, anger coursing through my veins. "weston, i can't be with you if we're apart. it's impossible, it won't work!"

he looks up, searching my expression for any sign of sorrow. it's all rage. "savannah, we have to try!"

"well i can't!" i shout at him, and he cowers back, staring into his lap. warm, irritated tears swim in front of my vision and i wipe them away as they drop. my decision has been made. i have to break up with him so he doesn't break up with me first because it's bound to happen with long distance. we would never last.