untold desire || weston koury

chapter forty one

a/n writing this makes me so depressed LMFAOOO

i wake up the next day feeling almost worse than i did yesterday. i didn't bother to change clothes last night, so i slept in jean shorts and the v-neck weston picked out for me. i feel the makeup that's still smeared messily across my face, and there are multiple mascara stains splattered on my pillowcase.

everything about my body feels heavy - my eyelids, my arms, my head. finally, i decide to get out of bed after minutes of contemplating the idea.

but where would i go? colin and mom are downstairs, and i'm definitely not ready to face them. i guess i'll figure it out as i go. i take off my shorts and replace them with cotton ones, looking through my dresser for another shirt to wear.

when i open the second drawer, i gasp and cough while my breath completely catches in my throat. i stumble backwards at the sight and stare down with an open jaw.

weston's green sweater. i never gave it back.

everything in me tells me i shouldn't wear it, that i should throw it away, burn it, tear it to shreds, but i ignore my gut and pick up the sweater.

i stare at the pattern and feel over each and every bump of fabric with my fingertips. i feel nauseous at his scent, but i breathe it in deeply, chasing the feeling i once felt when i was with him.

and i ignore my gut again as i pull the sweater over my head.

then there's a knock at my door. "savannah?"

mom.

"hm?" is all i can choke out.

"can we talk?"

i sigh. "come in."

she opens the door and sees me standing in the middle of my room. i'm glad she doesn't know this is weston's sweater. "oh, good, you're up."

all i do is nod and cross my arms awkwardly.

"are you okay? do you wanna talk?"

i shake my head rapidly. "no."

she furrows her eyebrows and hesitates before speaking again. "no you're not okay or no you don't wanna-"

"both," i blurt out. "both. i just need to spend today alone."

mom gives me a short nod. "makes sure you pack your things. we're leaving for your apartment first thing tomorrow," she begins to shut the door as she leaves, but stops halfway. "just try to look forward to something, like seeing jasmine."

"thanks," i say blankly, and she finally closes the door to walk back down the hallway. i take a deep breath and peer around my childhood room. i'm off for junior year of college tomorrow, and all i really have to do is pack up all my clothes that i brought to new york and back home with me.

jasmine, my roommate, had all of our stuff moved into our apartment the last day of school, so we don't really need to bring anything. it's just about unpacking dishes and organizing the space. i was excited, but now that excitement is being overshadowed by a lot of sadness.

i flop back down on my bed and grab my phone, seeing so many instagram, snapchat, and most of all, twitter notifications. i ignore those for the time being and see a text from kalynn that says they landed safely. she sent it last night, but i must have fallen asleep before noticing it.

i like the message and scroll through my twitter mentions. there are tons and tons of tweets discussing how weston deleted all of the pictures of us on instagram.

my heart drops to my stomach as i read random people's speculations on what happened for him to do this. irritation floods my emotions as i shakily switch from twitter to instagram, typing his name in the search bar.