untold desire || weston koury

chapter forty three

a/n filler chap sry things will start happening again in the next few chaps also stoned at the nail salon is so good yaassss

AND IM GETTING ANOTHER CAT TOMORROWWOWOWOW

weston's pov

"this feels so fake," i say to kalynn, gesturing to my computer. "people will notice something's wrong."

kalynn sighs. "well do you want to take a break from youtube?" 

"no! no," i reply, sounding a little too defensive. 

"well there's not much else you can do."

while staring at the paused coffee cam video i'm editing, i sigh at my forced smile and unfunny jokes. i'm in a slump, and it's hard to put on a brave face for the camera. there's no way someone won't notice something with all of the twitter assumptions. 

"should i just address it then?" i ask her. 

kalynn gives me the nastiest look. "not without talking to savannah first. that's not just your decision."

i groan and lean back in my seat while she stands behind my chair, arms crossed. "i miss her," i say plainly. 

"i know you do. i do too."

"kalynn," i spin my chair around to look up at her. "was the reason she broke up with me really what she said it was?"

kalynn inhales and stares down at the floor. "i don't want to get involved in this. you should just trust what she said."

i ignore her. "do you think she even cares? is she even upset like i am?" 

her eyes scan my face uncertainly, and finally she opens her mouth to begin talking. "she's mad at herself."

my nose scrunches. "why-"

"because she broke up with you out of fear of the distance and she lashed out at you in a horrible way. she's beating herself up over this big time."

kalynn sits on the edge of my bed and looks at me, studying my reaction. 

i reach for my phone. "then i should call her-"

she shoots up and grabs it out of my hands. "no, she needs to call you. what are you going to say if you call her? wait for her to apologize?"

"fine!" i yell, standing to my feet. "god, this a mess!" 

"weston, i've never seen two people love each other the way you guys did," she says with total seriousness.  

"is that supposed to make me feel better?"

kalynn sighs. "no, i'm just saying that she'll come around at some point because she loves you so much."

my eyes dart around the room anxiously, so i walk out angrily to the living room. my breath catches in my throat when i see the window that leads to the fire escape.

the fire escape savannah and i shared our first kiss on. 

i step gingerly towards the window and open it hesitantly, climbing one leg over the ledge and then the other. i sit down and stare out at the moving city while a few tears fall from my eyes. 

the august sun is hot and i'm wearing sweater, but i refuse to take it off. along with my teardrops, beads of sweat slide down the side of my face, and i wipe my skin with both of my sleeves, setting my hand on the step. i turn my head to the side, trying to picture savannah sitting next to me. 

it's pathetic, i know that. but i do it anyway. 

eventually my eyes close as i try to focus on how the atmosphere feels around me. it feels empty. or maybe i'm just empty. 

i sit on the thought for awhile, and i decide that it's me. i'm the one who's empty, and there's only one person who has ever made me feel whole. 

and i'll stay empty until she returns.