[[[忘羡 | WangXian 1]] : The Second Kiss That Came Too Soon

[39.] Darkness descending. [TW]

Note:

Trigger warning for this chapter.

***


The next morning Lan Zhan woke up quite suddenly to find a very flushed Wei Wuxian on top of him, completely naked. It was too early, and he was still sleepy and tired from the previous day.

- Wei Ying... what...

- Lan Zhan... Please... take me...please. Make love to me, Lan Zhan. Now... please...  -  Wei Wuxian was chanting, all bent over his lover's body, whispering in his ear, his hands caressing Lan Zhan's chest.

- Please...now... please...please...

Suddenly fully awake, Lan Zhan sat up, and took Wei Ying's eager face in his hands.

- What is the meaning of this? Are you alright?

- Please...  -  he whimpered.

Wei Ying was burning inside. Everything was on fire. His brain was burning, his insides were burning and he yearned, he coveted with all his being. He needed that hollow filled up – where the fire was. He smiled when he saw Lan Zhan coming closer to his face, absolutely sure that there will be a kiss next, but Lan Wangji was frowning and actually kissed his forehead. Wei Ying pouted.

- No... nonono. I need you... I need you so badly, Shizun... Kiss me... Teach me, Shizun... -  he was smiling, rubbing himself against Lan Zhan's lap.

- Wei Ying, you have such high fever.... How...  

Lan Zhan was worried. He hadn't brought any serious medicine along, and now was cursing himself for being so reckless.

- Please, lie down, you need to rest. 

He put Wei Ying back to bed, and got up to make some herbs into a soothing tea.

- Don't go, Lan Zhan... don't leave me... please... don't go... -  Wei Ying wailed desperately. – Don't leave me here, with the wolves...

Lan Zhan bit his lip. 

He had no idea what had caused the fever, but tea and some cold compresses was all he had at his disposal. It was bad, he was almost delirious.

When the tea was ready, and he got back, Wei Ying's eyes were glazed and his temperature had risen.

- Here, Wei Ying... please, drink this... you need to drink, please.

- Lan Zhan, tell Shijie I am not going back to Lotus Pier, I can't.... –  he babbled, and Lan Zhan knew that he was lost to the world, the fever had taken him into a delirium for sure.

The tall boy got some more tea ready, and some cold water from the lake, and then he sat at the head of the bed and took Wei Ying's head in his lap with great care, brushing sweat and tears away, and trying to make him drink and stay hydrated. And he listened.

- Lan Zhan... don't you want me any more... – the dry lips were whispering. – Why won't you make love to me...Tell me, why are you leaving.... Shijie, I am going to lose him... he wouldn't want me any more, how can he want me... and I can't breathe  without him...how do I live without him.... Shijie, no, no more soup... I am not hungry...please, no more food... no.... Jian Cheng, please, run, go tell him, tell him I miss him tell him I love him...kissing him is heaven....

- Zewu-Jun, Zewu-Jun, is he ok?  Is he alive? Has he forgotten me.... I pushed him away, he has forgotten me.... Shijie, I am so happy and yet I am so sad... how can I love him so much, Shijie...  How will I live without him... The kiss, Shijie... that kiss...

Wei Ying's head was tilted to the side, his tears slowly falling, and he was calling on people he cherished, begging for help, begging for answers. Lan Zhan's heart was breaking, and he was shivering with pain and anguish.

- Mother, Mother.... I lost him... he left. After every good thing, after every wonderful thing – there comes loss, right, Mother? This is how the world works...I had happiness... true happiness... and now I must lose him... Right? Now he's gone. My love, my love, why have you forsaken me....? Everyone is gone.... Everyone abandons me... Mother, why has he unlocked all this passion in me... now I cannot be without it, without him.... Mother, help me... hold me...

- Nie-xiong, did you know.... He wanted  me... Me...me!!!  And I told him, I lost him, I told him, in the cave, I was scared... who would stay? Would you stay? I was so so scared that he'll leave.....Nie-xiong, he left... why I am sitting all alone on the pier... the water...dark water... Shijie, tell him, I am waiting for him by the water... The lake... Make love to me in the water... in the lake, in the dark, Lan Zhan....Shijie, do you think he knows....  -  Mother, is love always pain? Did you ever love me, truly, Mother? Father, why do I always end up all alone... Jiang Cheng, A-Cheng, no... not the dogs! I don't want to die...

Lan Zhan was sobbing. Many of Wei Ying's reactions in the past two months became very clear to him now. He knew there was darkness deep inside Wei Wuxian, but he never would have guessed he felt so insecure and alone. 

"Hold me, I am falling into darkness" – he remembered the words he told him the day before. This was the reason why his mind was breaking.