Actions Speak Louder Than Fortune Cookies

31 - Panic

It was 1:38 AM when it really hit Rylee like a freight train. She stood up off of the subway bench quickly, pacing the empty terminal just as Alexa arrived, looking on, worry already drawn on her face. Rylee paced for a moment and then slid her back down the nearest tile wall, panic coursing through her veins like ice and fire all at once.

Every second that passed it became harder and harder to suck in a breath.

"Hey. Rylee. I'm here. Breathe in and out. Real slow." Alexa stated in a rush, concern gushing through her words. Rylee jumped in response to her voice, but relaxed when she realized it was her friend. She hadn't realized she followed her here. Alexa grabbed Rylee's hand, squeezing it in hopes of grounding her. She knew asking Rylee what happened may make things worse, so she forced herself to not ask.

Rylee wished she could answer but her thoughts were long gone, now only being able to focus on how hard it was to breathe. Why was it so hard to breathe? She tried to stem her tears from flowing in an attempt to pull herself together but to no avail.

"Come on. In and out, honey," as Alexa attempted to demonstrate the breathing for her, while also trying to maintain her calm for Rylee's sake.

She could barely hear her friend over her own heart pounding in her chest. It was racing through her ears. She could feel it in her toes. How is that even possible? She put her trembling hands back on her face. Still attempting to hold back her tears. Just hold them in. That should make this all stop. Make it stop.

"Ry. What can I do to help." Alexa asked, feeling helpless as she tried to comfort her friend by rubbing circles into her back with her hand. She has known Rylee since they were six. She knows that Rylee has a history with anxiety and has experienced panic attacks in the past, but this feels different, much more intense. It was genuinely scaring her.

"S-S-Seb." She doesn't even hear herself stutter it out. Did she say it? She isn't even sure what is pouring out of her mouth right now as it's all jumbled and rushed, tears flowing freely now, as she continued to tremble, crouched in a ball on the terminal floor. Sebastian. Where's Sebastian?

"Okay..okay..god. Please answer.." Alexa whispered quietly to herself as she took out her phone and swiped through her contacts. Rylee could still feel Alexa's hand on her back, rubbing what should be soothing circles but every inch of her body felt constricted and tight, yet her insides rolled and turned like jello, making her feel nauseated and dizzy. If she squeezed her eyes shut, she could pretend like it helped. Why was it still so hard to breathe? Why was everything spinning? Where's Sebastian?

"Rylee...Ry... can you hear me?"  A deeper, masculine voice cut through the air.
Rylee still couldn't answer, though the voice that was reaching her sounded different now. Why did it sound different?

"Ry, its Sebastian. Come on, sweetheart. Take some deep breaths for me. Listen to mine." He said as he began exaggeratedly breathing in and out into the phone for her to mimic.

Oh. Sebastian?
When did he get here?

Rylee kept her eyes screwed shut, though her hot tears continued, as she leaned her head back against the cool tile wall. The chill of the tile helped her bring her focus back to what his calm, soothing voice was asking her to do.

Right. Breathe.
But it's so hard.
Why is it so hard?

"I know, it's hard Ry, but try for me," Sebastian responded as it quickly dawned on Rylee that she had said that all out loud as she gasped for air between her words. If her every thought wasn't turned upside down and ripped to shreds right now, she almost would've been embarrassed. She tried to listen to his breathing through the phone as Alexa mimicked his beats onto Rylee's shoulder blades as she kept her hand there, hoping to help aid in her rhythm.

"That's better. Keep breathing just like that, Ry. You're doing so good," Sebastian continued, dragging out long, deep breaths, in and out with her.

The heartbeat in her ears finally started to dissipate and her mind slowly began to clear, pushing away the fog that laid heavily there moments earlier. She thought she heard keys jingling and a car door closing. They were in the subway, why would she hear that? She pushed the thought away.

Alexa began speaking but her words confused Rylee. Why is she talking about Brighton Beach? Rylee realized quickly that that was where they currently were. The Brighton Beach terminal. But why was Alexa talking about that? She pushed that out of her mind as well and continued bringing her focus back to breathing and avoiding throwing up all over the platform.

The insides of her stomach continued to churn as she gasped for breaths, though they slowly became easier to take in after a few minutes.

"There you go. You're doing great, Ry. Lex, I'm ten minutes away." Sebastian spoke through the phone, saying his last words in more of a hushed tone.  Rylee wondered how he's always able to stay so calm and cool when it seemed like her world was crumbling.

"I'm always cool." Sebastian said light-heartedly into the phone. Rylee realized that she had apparently said her thoughts out loud yet again. She could even hear his smirk through the phone. How was that possible. What a dork. She rolled her eyes in return. At least she could focus more now and was able to notice these small details instead of gasping for breath and drowning in her own mind.

"Sebastian?" Rylee questioned quietly, opening her eyes slowly for the first time since Sebastian had picked up the phone, she stared at the ceiling, still occasionally hiccuping, inhaling quickly to try to catch a deep breath back.

"Yeah, Ry?" He asked gently.

"Can you just keep talking?" Rylee leaned over, resting her head on Alexa's shoulder next to her.

"About what?" He asked.

"Anything," she almost seemed to beg.

Sebastian smiled into the phone and began talking about the trip he had to make down to Georgia for filming. He had just returned from his trip that night, arriving to his apartment around midnight. He had finally drug all of his luggage inside and ditched it all by the front door, choosing to collapse on the couch for "five minutes" even though he had fallen asleep almost as soon as his head hit the throw pillow.

He continued talking about his trip for what seemed like no time at all to Rylee, though it was probably around ten minutes. By this time she was much more relaxed, now sitting crisscross on the ground, eyes resting shut, leaning against the wall with Alexa linked to her arm, sitting on the ground beside her.

Sebastian became silent on the phone and Rylee thought she heard Alexa's iPhone signal that he had hung up. She was about to call out his name towards the phone, wondering why he would just hang up like that without saying goodbye when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs to their left.

"Ry...?"

There was a long beat of silence as Rylee sucked in a normal, easy breath.
"Hmm?" She sighed, eyes fluttering open.

"There's my girl." Sebastian said, now crouching in front of her, smiling softly.
He pushed loose strands of Rylee's hair behind her ear, then gently put his hand on her cheek. She leaned into it easily, exhausted from what the last twenty minutes entailed.

"How ya feelin'?" Sebastian asked, his heavy New York accent flowing through. He rubbed his thumb along her jaw, wiping away some of her stray tears.

"Mmm. Much better now," she whispered as she continued leaning into his palm.

Sebastian stood up from his crouched position to give a quick hug to the now standing Alexa. "Thank you for coming." She whispered to him briefly during their exchange.

"Of course. Do you know what happened?" He whispered back before they parted.

Alexa shook her head sadly and shrugged. He simply nodded in return.

He crouched back down, looking at a very exhausted looking Rylee and smiled a sad smile, offering his hand to her. "Are you able to walk to the car? I'm right down the block."

She nodded and grabbed his soft hand, letting him pull her up from the ground. She was still a bit wobbly on her feet so he made sure to gently wrap his arm around her waist as they all turned to walk up the stairs and out of the subway platform on to street toward his car.