Keep The Faith

17.

He stood, frozen in the doorway, unable to move or breathe. In his mind, this had all gone so perfectly. Meredith would have left the papers and he would have found them, let his heart flood with love and relief and joy and then he would have called Addison into his office and asked her to sit down for a long, serious talk about how they had both changed, and how sad it was, but he was in love with someone else.

He would have even told her about the sex. The secrets would have all come out, and his head, they had shaken hands, exchanged a last hug and she had walked out of his life amicably. In the version of today that existed inside of his mind, Addison had been gracious, understanding and only a little angry. Here, in real life, she was confused, desperate, and Derek could see, obviously seething. Her right hand held the papers like they were on fire and her left hand clenched his chair so hard her knuckles were turning white. Her eyes were narrow slits and her cheeks were flushed an angry red.

And he was frozen. He had been so preoccupied with Meredith, and whether or not she was going to take him up on his offer to try once more, he hadn't stopped to think about the consequence, beyond the peaceful fantasy in his mind's eye. He was frozen in the doorway, and time seemed to stop. The realization hit him that he was going to hurt Addison. Badly, in a way that she didn't deserve to be hurt. Guilt swept over him when he realized that he really wasn't too bothered by the notion.

It was all Meredith now. Addison was quite literally his past. His signature on those snow white papers proved that. Meredith was the future. Derek could look into the rest of his life and see a house going up on his land, a wedding by the lake, a lifetime in Seattle. Kids, dogs, the works. All with Meredith. There was no place for Addison when he visualized what was to come.

As his monologue ran through his mind, she looked up at him, her eyes blazing. "Derek." She said her voice dangerously even and calm. "What is this?" Derek shoved his hands into the pocket of his lab coat and shifted his weight, wracking his brain for an answer that would give some kind of meaning to everything they had shared. He came up with nothing. Addison looked back down on the desk, and picked up the envelope. "Who gave these to you? Were the lawyers here?" Her questions stopped as the card fluttered down onto the desk. She picked it up and read it out loud. "Let's get it right this time. M?" It was enough to make Derek smile. The reality of how horribly he treated her had fully sunken in over the last few days. That she still had faith in him was nothing short of miraculous. The smile was soft and barely caused the corners of his lips to turn up, but it was there all the same. And Addison couldn't have missed it.

"You gave Meredith our divorce papers?" she asked, her voice sounding like pure venom and ice. She stumbled forward and put a hand on the edge of Derek's desk to steady herself. She didn't know what it all meant yet, but she felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her. "You gave her our divorce papers." She repeated. This time it wasn't a question. Addison didn't know what was happening, but she felt pure, undiluted rage sweep over her body. Blood rushed and pounded in her ears as her muscles all tensed and her breathing labored.

She was about to explode when there was a knock at the door and Meredith's head popped around the corner, smiling. Her eyes were shiny and her entire face had a certain glow to it. She looked like Addison's antithesis. Her eyes locked onto Derek without even noticing Addison. "Hi." She said, shyly, timidly. She noticed his face and looked over. The color drained from her face. She started to automatically back away and shut the door.

"No." Addison didn't raise her voice, but it commanded that they do what she said. "Don't think about it, Grey. Get back in here." Meredith opened the door and stepped tentatively into the room. She thought about all of the things she could say. Apologies she could have uttered, things she could have protested, anything to make it better. But her mind was blank with terror and guilt.