Manon's Child

Part 68

The next morning, I wait for two hours outside Dorian's rooms before Yrene lets me in. I haven't spoken to him since he woke up - I've been keeping my distance.

When I'm finally allowed in, Dorian is propped upright in his bed by a mountain of pillows and cushions. There are bags under his eyes, but he looks alert, at least. He sees me and emotions flash in his eyes.

"Your Highness," I say. I bow my head, unable to do anything else.

"Manon." He nods back.

I stay standing as Yrene is still by his bed. It only takes a moment for her to say, "For Gods sake, Manon, sit down. You're pregnant."

She steers me into a seat by Dorian's bed. No one says a word. Yrene easily senses the tension. "I'm coming back in an hour," she says. "No longer."

She leaves. I clear my throat. "I've invited the Queen of Terrasen to Adarlan. I forgot to tell you."

He laughs slightly, and it's not a wholly happy sound. "Of course you did."

"Hey. I'm pregnant," I snap, before realising he's joking. I clear my throat again. "I also should say, there is a faction of witches who are hiding up in the Ferian Gap -"

"Part of the group that tried to kill me?" he asks.

"Yes. And me, probably," I consider. I have received multiple death threats. Dorian looks alarmed. "I believe it originated with Liron, but that is not important. I have planned an attack on them - we will try to show mercy, but it will most likely end with their annihilation."

Dorian is looking at me, troubled.

"What?"

"I just - don't understand," he says. "How - when did this start, Manon? How long has this been going on, even?"

I struggle for words. "It's been going on since I became Queen. Not everyone likes me, funnily enough." I sigh and meet his eyes. "It's why I drugged you. I couldn't let you come into that danger."

Dorian looks down, and I know we're going to do this now. "It doesn't excuse it," he says. "You could have just told me."

"Would that have stopped you?" I ask him. "Of course not. I know you, Dorian. You would have insisted on coming. Do you know how they would have reacted to that. You're a human, Dorian. I'm a witch. They don't need another excuse to hate me."

"So that's what I am to you, then? Something for people to criticize? That you'll throw out, drug and bind to a gods-damned chair at the slightest word?"

"No - that's not what I meant!" I feel like crying. "I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to protect you, Dorian!"

"Yeah, well, you failed at that, didn't you?" he snaps, in the way you do when you're in the middle of an argument and you just want to hurt someone. But he doesn't take it back, because it's true, and it does hurt me. I know I failed, I know it. Tears begin to fall down my face. I don't even try to stop them.

"Look, Manon," he says. "I love you so much, but you keep lying to me. You don't trust me, you literally drugged me. I love you, and I know you do too, but..."

"You don't think this will work?" I whisper. We're both crying now. 

"Think about it," he says. "Less than a year ago, we got out of a war caused by Adarlan taking over half the continent. If we marry -  because if we want to stay together, that's what we'll have to do - then almost half the continent will be united again. And people will -"

"I know what people will say," I whisper. I can't get the strength back into my voice. I'm shaking. "Also, we're different species. Humans would certainly object to our union, as would my people."

Dorian nods. He meets my gaze, his sapphire eyes reflecting the exact pain I'm feeling. 

"This isn't going to work, Manon," he whispers. 

"I know," I say, and my voice breaks. I cover my mouth with my hands and turn away as I try to calm down. My world is shattering all over again. I don't say what I want to: I love you. It would break us both.

"I guess you'll need this back," I say, and I'm grateful that my voice has gone cold. I hand him back the beautiful ring he got me. 

"Thank you," he says, and this time, his voice breaks. 

We look away from each other, unable to meet each other's eyes for a second. I don't have the heart to mention the twins. 

Eventually, Dorian clears his throat. "When is Aelin arriving?" he asks.

"Tomorrow or the day after. Soon." There's no emotion in my voice. "She'll probably bring some of her court with her too. Also, my seconds -"

I stop dead. My seconds? When did I start thinking of them like that?

But I do, I realise. Somehow, after only a few months, I am no longer thinking of Asterin as my second anymore. It feels like a betrayal. To her. To the thirteen.

And then I realise I have only ever thought of them in passing for a while now. I haven't been mourning them, not like I was - I've been so busy. And now, my brain says with another heart break, I'm replacing them.

"Manon?" Dorian asks. 

I clear my throat. I want to cry again. "Apologies. Bronwen and Petrah are also coming. Feel free to attend the war meeting, if Lady Yrene permits it."

"Of course."

Silence again. "If you'd excuse me, Your Majesty." I stand, bow my head. 

I'm at the door when Dorian speaks. "Manon, I l-"

"Don't," I say quietly,  my voice betraying me again. I flee from the King's chambers like a maiden in a fairytale.

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HI peoples,

I have to say that this killed me more than writing the bit where dorian gets shot, so sorry about this.

also, I finally finished writing this!!! for the first time since I started writing, I actually know where this is going!!!

ON that note, the chapters will prbably get a bit longer as I'm not straggling for content to post

also, would you rather i update this all at once now that's it's done or should I just post once a week?

aAND FINALLY i get to go back to school tomorrow so even though it's only been like a few days I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, which i have to admit is something i never thought i'd say.

anyway, let me know in the comments what you want me to do.

stay safe :)