Not-So-Secret Admirer -A Jily Story

Part 22- Lily

WARNING: THIS IS JUST A WARNING TO ALL OF YOU. THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH DEATH OF LILY'S PARENTS AND HOW SHE DEALT WITH IT ALONG WITH SOME STRUGGLES WITH DEPRESSION. IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE EMOTIONALLY HEAVY AND IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT I STRONGLY RECOMMEND TO SKIP THE CHAPTER. When I first started writing it I didn't expect it to be like this but as I went along with it. If this chapter forces you to bring up a lot of bad memories (I know it did for me) I strongly urge you to skip it and go to the next chapter.

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I POURED SOME MORE TEA IN MY MOTHER'S TEACUP. I proceeded to pour some in my dad's but he pulled his cup back.

"That's enough dear," he said "I think I have had quite enough tea for today." I smiled and put the teapot down on the table. We were sitting in the kitchen, chatting and drinking tea.

"I think even I had enough tea," mum said "Where is my little son-in-law?"

"He went out to buy some groceries," I replied "He'll be back shortly."

James opened the kitchen door and brought in four bags filled with vegetables and bread. He put them down and triumphantly waved his arms in the air.

"I did it," he exclaimed "I went to the grocery store all by myself!" He took a seat next to me and kissed my cheek.

There was sound of a door opening very noisily and the kitchen vanished, along with my parents and James. I turned around to find James standing in the doorway.

"Lil, I gave you the simulation crystal so that you could say good-bye to your parents," James said. When I found out that my parents were dead, it hit me like a bullet train. Everything in the world felt empty and worthless. I wanted to scream and cry but I couldn't. I asked James for his simulation crystal to help me deal with the pain and emptiness.

I had been using it for a few months and James knew about it. When I first got it it was so I could say good-bye and move on, but seeing their smiling faces just always made it worse. After a while I decided that it was better to pretend that they weren't dead. That they were alive.

"I know," I whispered. James sat next to me on the floor and put his arms around me. I rested my head on his shoulder. "But I don't have to," I continued.

"Lily,"

"I don't have to James," I said "They're alive and they're fine and this war doesn't exist!"

"But it's not real," he whispered.

"It feels real," I said "And it's better than real because I... I don't have to lose them. I can't lose them." James didn't bother to put across a counter argument. He just rubbed my shoulder in efforts of consoling me.

"It's fine. I'm fine," I mumbled "I'm perfectly fine."

"You are not," James whispered back.

"I am," I said "I have nothing to be sad about."

"Lily, pretending is not going to help you," James said "I'm here for you and I will help you get better but Lily I'm not going to encourage this fantasy. It's not healthy."

"I don't care," I said "I just want to talk to them."

"Lily-" James started to say but I didn't want to hear it. I took the crystal and headed to Dorcas' room. I knocked on the door, with a few tears on my face. I knocked on the door and Dorcas opened it.

"Lily? What's wrong?" she asked.

"Can stay here for a while?" I asked.

"Of course come in," she replied "What happened?"

"James and I are just disagreeing on something about my parents," I said. It wasn't the first time we disagreed on this. We've been having the same argument for the past few weeks now.

"What did he say?" Dorcas asked.

"He thinks I should move on," I said "He thinks I should just say good-bye to them and continue with my life."

"I think he is right Lil," Dorcas said, shifting uncomfortably.

"But I don't have too," I said "I can see them! I can build a whole world where they are alive and all of us are happy!"

"Lily, I will always support you and every decision you make and you can stay here for as long as you want," Dorcas said "But, if you ask me. I think you should listen to your husband." I didn't say anything after that. I out the crystal down and entered my simulation world again, but I couldn't. Dorcas left the room to give me some space.

"Lily dear?" mum asked "Are you alright?" The whole room was white and I could only see my mum and dad. Signs of a disturbed mind.

"No, I'm not," I replied "And it doesn't matter. Because you are not real." The simulation vanished and I was back in Dorcas' room. I leaned against the door and started crying. I had lost track of what was important. I spent hours in the simulation. I distanced myself from my friends and my husband. All so I could keep my parents, but they were important to me too.

There was a small knock on the door and I heard nervous tapping on the floor.

"Hey Lily, it's me," James said "Can I come in?"

"No," I said, tears trailing down my face.

"Lily, open the door," he said, softly.

"I can't," I said "I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a mess James," I cried "I'm a big mess and if I open the door you're going to tell me to be better and I can't, James, I can't be better and you deserve better."

"It doesn't matter Lilt," he said "It doesn't matter if you can be better or not all that matters is you and I just need you to let me in. Open the door. Please." I took a few shaky breaths and opened the door. James looked at me with a pained expression on his face and hugged me tightly and I sobbed into his shoulder.