The Guy Who Doesn't Like Me

One - Matthew Sebastian

Gabriella

"Gabby, I told you na hindi sasama si Matthew, diba? Ayaw nga niya." Sabi sakin ng best friend ko na si Jannelle.

"Bakit ba kasi ayaw niyong pilitin. Ilang months na lang, graduate na tayong lahat and for sure, hindi na kami magkikita." I told her. She looks pissed na rin but I can't just give up now.

"Gabby, Matthew doesn't like gatherings especially nalaman niya na nandon ka." Ouch. Parang masyado namang straight forward si Jannelle.

"Sis, I only have 3 months left before we graduate. I only have 3 months para mapansin na talaga ni Matthew. And if hindi pa rin mangyayari yon, mabbroken hearted ako especially sa graduation." In 3 months kasi, walang nakakaalam but I'll be migrating with my family sa US and doon na kami magsstay for good. Kahit si Jannelle na best friend ko, hindi alam yon.

I wanted this secret to be kept. Hindi lang yon. May deeper reason din kung bakit kami magmmigrate sa US. I am sick and nobody knows. If I won't get treated right and consistently, I might die. And I don't wanna die. I still wanna live. Pero hindi rin kasi natin masasabi ang mga pwedeng mangyari. Pwedeng putulin na agad Niya ang buhay ko para makasama na Siya. Sa totoo lang, minsan napapatanong na rin ako. But I don't wanna question His plans for me. He knows what's the best for me pero syempre, hindi rin naman ako masisisi. I haven't conquered everything I wanna have yet then I'm suffering from an illness. I can't let anyone know about my situation naman especially si Matthew. Baka kasi kaawaan niya lang ako instead na ma-in love talaga siya sakin. Ayako namang mapilitan siya dahil lang nalaman niyang I'm dying.

"Gabby, if you're that desperate, why don't you invite him yourself?" Sabi ni Jannelle and she left. Hindi ko rin naman masisisi ang kaibigan ko. Nagsasawa na rin siguro dahil sa kakulitan ko. 

Matthew. Matthew Sebastian.

I've been in love with him since 1st year college. The first time na nakita ko siya, I know that I wanna have him forever. Noong una, hindi ko pinapaalam sa lahat na may gusto talaga ako kay Matthew. Nagkakagirlfriend din siya which is hindi naman mapipigilan. But not until last year.

Last year, I found out that I'm dying and I might die early if I won't get treated. That's the time when I decided na ipaalam sa lahat ang feelings ko for Matthew. That's the time na umamin din ako sa kanya. Naaalala ko pa, he has a girlfriend that time pero kinapalan ko na ang mukha ko para umamin. Life is short and I have a number of days left in my hands. I can't waste anymore time.

Last year din, magmmigrate na sana kami. Pero pinilit ko ang parents ko na wag muna. Iniyakan nila ang hindi ko pagpayagn dahil I might really die if I don't get treated right away but I told them na dito na lang muna kami sa Pilipinas and that's a wish from me. Hindi naman nila ako mahindian. Marami pa sana akong ikukwento when I saw Matthew passed through. I fixed myself and nagspray pa ako ng pabango sa buong katawan ko. I ran towards him and smiled. He looked at me like hindi niya ako kilala then patuloy na naglakad ulit.

Sa totoo lang, pinanghihinaan na rin ako ng loob kay Matthew but I can't give up now. Wala mang mangyaring progress, at least I tried. And mamatay man ako nang maaga, at least hindi ko pagsisisihan na hindi ako nagtry na ipa-feel sa kanya ang love ko. Mas nakakapangsisi yon.

"Matthew." Tawag ko sa kanya. I have to take a leap of faith. Kakapalan nanaman ang mukha para lang masulit ang mga araw na magkakasama pa kami.

"I'm not going, Gabby." Sabi niya sakin. Mukhang alam na agad niya ang sasabihin ko. I smiled. Pumunta ulit ako sa unahan niya para magpacute.

"If you're not going then I'm not going as well." Sabi ko sa kanya and he took of his sunglasses.

"Better." And then he left. Napangiti na lang ako nang pilit habang pinapanood siyang naglalakad palayo.