The Sickness In Our Heads || AU

t h i r t e e n -

•PeRiShInG•

DEA

 My body press into the slightly pleasant cold window. Tears quickly blurry my vision, I curse as I can not see him now, tears do not fall through. I squeeze my hands into small fists. ''Stay away,'' I shouted at him. He steps back and breathes deeply. His eyes carry something inside them but try to keep it inside by saying.

''Relax.''

We were just eating. We were just eating. Why can't it stay that way?

Everything was okay a few minutes ago. But I fùcked up, I should have kept my mouth closed, I should have not answered him.

''Dea,'' He tries again, it does not work... at the start, later I got hold of my deep breaths, a few snorts come out and I glance at him. '', that's right Dea, look at me.'' I see him better now even though I do not want to, yet. He moves again, taking one step forward.

And one step more.

''Dea.''

Another step closer to me.

He understood my intentions by just looking at me. Or maybe by the way I could not stop shaking and clenching my fists.''Stay there.'' His voice is stern and demanding.

A few more steps and I will feel his scent. I continue looking straight into those dark browns eyes, almost not afraid,  my heart still beating abnormally fast. And soon the young man, a few years older than me, is right in front of me. His close presence is enough to get me scared and to want to stay as much as possible further from him. Unfortunately, I can not. My eyes avert to look everywhere, the floor, the tv, the couch...

''I just asked a question, Dea. I know I should have been more... careful with you.'' He starts explaining, justifying himself, and wet his lips, continuing. His torso heath hitting a mine and somehow making me cooler. ''You're more laborious to talk with. I know that and I should have been cautious."

I blink. He did not deserve the answer I gave. It is something private, something I would never tell to anyone, and it is not personal anymore.

"Forgive me 꽃.'' He pleas, eyes becoming soft and now looking less scary, less dark. They are calm and relaxed, nothing similar to how they were minutes ago.
{Flower}

If he thinks I'm gonna forgive him for the question...

For asking me if I had stopped taking the pills, the pills which are preventing me from menstruation...

He must be fùcking stupid!

"I just wanted to help you. And I'm willing to do it." I turn my face to the other side, not wanting to listen more. His two fingers, the index, and thumb touch my chin and raise my face to his. "You're my responsibility, you have always been. I won't give up on protecting you and taking care of you 꽃."
{Flower}

   -

By nine a.m. the big table was already prepared. There weren't many different kinds of food this time. Salad with tomatoes and cucumbers, small fried bread rolls, and several toasts.

Yeri and Jungsuk sit as soon as they come out of their room in the kitchen. Ha-Joon looks up. They are in their little world, smiling and hugging. Yeri hit his shoulder when he slips his hand under her hoodie, to probably tickle her. He wishes he was like this with Dea—he will be, just a little more time. Soon, both of them will cuddle on a warm bed, maybe naked maybe not, he did not care as long as she is next to his side. Protecting him, guiding him for a better future, making him a better person... but most of all loving him despite everything he had done to everyone including her.