The Sickness In Our Heads || AU

e i g h t e e n

DEA

Everything started in the first weeks of February 2017. I was fourteen. I remember having important exams at the end of the school year, though I wasn't really worried nor tried to study for them. I was listening in class and making some notes, also helping my best
friends with memorizing some stuff.

I don't remember how happened nor what I did but in some odd and kind of suspicious way, I attracted the attention of one boy. He was the same age as me, in the same school just in a different class. He was friends with one girl that at that time was a very important person in my life.

After a few weeks of talking, and texting each other we finally got together, and honestly, I did not know what I was getting into. It wasn't like he was the problem or his friends or someone else. I should've known that I'm the villain of others' lives and mine too.

So, after a month of dating, everything went down. I ruined everything, I hurt everyone, especially him, and I can't ever forgive myself. Ever.

I stop writing, and a few drops of salty tears fell out of my eyes. Never thought it will be hard to write it on the white rows of the notebook. I close it and move it aside. I can't think of it now, I need to relax. It will be better to try later.

-
Giga

"Do you want more or not?"

"I already had enough."

He looks at me then back at the food, then at me again. "No. Eat more, I want you full." He says, still not satisfied with my half-eaten cup of ramen.

I nod, not wanting to get him angry even though I already feel full. I hope I won't throw up. It will be embarrassing and he might get angry. After a minute or two, I am done with my food and he pays for it, then we leave.

Walking down the streets of the village a sudden dark cloud appears above us. I look at it from time to time, thinking soon the weather will change.

"Giga?" I turn my head to the left. "I think it's better to go home. I don't want you getting wet." I nod, wanting too to go into the house already. My foot does not make a step forward nor do my eyes look up. I do not dare to. I do now want to see his face. He takes my hand, his eyes likely never leaving me. My legs feel weak, my whole torso does, and not in a way I will ever like.

-
Dea

"Dea!" A muffled voice sounds in the room like it is far away from me. "Dea!" A little clear now. "Dea!" Even louder and near is and soon will be-

The door opens and Ha-Joon comes in with a crash. "Dea! Get up quickly." I sit up quickly as I have never done before. "It's raining like crazy. Let's go outside." What? I'm so confused. What is happening to him?

"C'mon Dea! I won't wait forever to get your lazy ass up!" And then he is pulling my arms then putting me on his shoulder. He is running with me down the stairs to outside of the house as I tightly hold him by his shirt. Soon I feel small, cold, droplets of water wetting my clothes. Then, I am barefoot while Ha-Joon is shouting. "Yes! Yes!" I sense the wet green grass, the droplets of water everywhere on my body. "I fucking love this side of the spring." He continues to shout, feeling happy.

He is like a child.
Loud, cute and annoying...

"C'mon Dea! Lay down, don't worry about getting dirty."

I do what I'm told to do without even questioning why. It's almost like I'm in a state of mentality where I don't want to care about anything or anyone, where I don't want to leave ever. I close my eyes, Ha-Joon laughing but I dismiss him from my world. I'm alone and no one is here to hurt me. I exist somewhere in the distance with no worries and no doubts if I'm even alive.