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Headphones on. You need to put your headphones on. Right freaking now. Because you can't bear it any longer.
The music. It's playing inside your head on repeat. Dark melody, loud guitar, woman's voice that rips your heart into pieces. You've never listened to this song, you're pretty sure about it. And still, it's playing inside your head on repeat, so clear, so loud it feels like you're listening to it with your headphones on. But you aren't. And it scares you to death.
Finally, finding your headphones, you put them on with a loud sigh escaping your lips. Your phone is old, and a bit slow, and you tap on the screen nervously, hoping for it to start working as fast as possible.
It started a month ago. Every day, sometimes even it nights a certain song sticks inside your head, driving you insane. You didn't like them, the songs. Their dark colours, their too truthful and deep emotions, their loud sounds of guitars and drums. They were making you cry, all the time aiming right into your heart, making you think of all the things you were trying to avoid. And you hated them. You hated how you didn't know what they were, or why they were in your head. You hated how they somehow felt familiar, making you feel sad, nostalgic. You loved your life, then why the heck these songs were making you suffer, miss the past you'd never had?
The phone finally starts working, and you exhale loudly, opening a music app. You need something sweet, something light and bubbly, something with hope inside. Just to make this damn darkness disappear. It takes you some time to scroll through your playlist when you finally found the one. The song, the best of them all to bring your mood back.
Your body relaxes immediately when the first note hits your ears, sweet like a honey voice singing to you softly. You look around. The sun is up, shining from the clear blue sky. The wind touches your cheeks gently, playing with your hair. The lemonade in your hands makes your fingers freeze, reminding you to take a sip. The mint and strawberry mix together on your tongue, leaving a sweet aftertaste, and you lick your lips, leaning back on the bench. The dark song finally disappears from your head, making "baby" fill your soul. And you drum excitedly on the edge of the bench, humming softly to the sweet song in your ears.
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He hates it. He knows what's going to happen, and he hates it. With his whole heart.
This song, again. It comes to his mind so suddenly, so unexpectedly, it freaks him out for a second. The second later he gives up, nodding. He knows he's going to listen to this song for the next couple of hours. He knows how to get rid of it, he just needs to put his headphones on. And still, it irritates him, the fact that to stop listening to this crap he needs to turn his own music on. And what if he just wants to sit there in silence? Just to listen to the sounds of nature and people passing by. But, no, of course, no. He needs to turn his own song on, or he's going to listen to this annoying "baby". Shit!
Changbin sighs, massaging his temples. He's tired of music, for the first time in a month he's tired. He just needs a couple of silent minutes. Just for a few moments to feel free of the songs, and voices, and sounds that make his head ache. But he knows, he doesn't have another choice just to put his headphones on.
And he does put them on, putting songs from his playlist at random.
"Decode".
How can I decide what's right When you're clouding up my mind?
Yes! Changbin sighs, closing his eyes. Yes, how can he decide what's right when these songs are clouding his mind? Does it mean he's ill? Does he need to check his head? Do an MRI or something... Nor can I ever own what's mine When you're always taking sides
No, he's not taking sides. He's loyal, trustworthy, loving, caring, gentle, beautiful, strong, but why–
Changbin sighs exhaustedly, rubbing his eyes. The passion boils inside him, burning him alive. He wants it! He wants it all! He wants to have a crush! To love someone, to trust someone, to hug them, kiss them, love them to death, but– Why no one wants him back?..
How did we get here When I used to know you so well?
He wants to know someone well. He wants to know their hobbies, and dreams, and favourite colours and food, and music, and films. He wants to get attached, and he wants someone to get attached to him. He wants it, the love. He needs it. But the only thing he can do is to turn "decode" on, hoping it will mute annoying "baby, I thought you'd always be mine" in his head.
