The Truth Is... [Brallon]

FOREVER

BRENDON'S POV:

I had many choices for my intention. Dallon's gun was locked in my safe. How poetic. I had pills that I could take. boring. The Razorblades were still in my bathroom, hidden away so no one could find them. I haven't done that in years and I don't know if I could stop myself this time. Did I really want to at this point? It's not like someone would stop me. Who fucking cares. I just didn't want to be here anymore. I just didn't want to exist and have to feel this pain.

I didn't have a perfect life as everyone had thought. I let them see what I wanted them to. Especially the public.

I had an abusive ex-boyfriend. ironically, it was Ryan. I hope he gets what he deserves. Dallon knew Ryan was abusive and did the things that he had done to me, yet slept with him anyway. I wonder how long they've done it behind my back. How many times Dallon went to Ryan's when he was with friends or when he left for those six months. Did he take Ryan with him?

I don't worry about my shattered phone. It's not like I'll be using another one. I'm just so tired of feeling worthless. Everyone in my life besides Spencer had treated me as if I was nothing. Even my own family pretended I never existed. Maybe I am. Everyone's life would be better without me in it. Dallon is right. I'm useless. I'm nothing.

I rush to grab my blades. Six of them to be exact. They spill out of the bottle as a shake them into the counter, sliding against the smooth service. It made me think of them sliding against my smooth skin..

I pick the nearest one up with a shaky hand and step into the tub, turning on the water to the hottest setting and sit at the bottom of it while the hot water soaks through my clothes. I lift the sleeve of my sweater. Wait. No. this one isn't mine. It's Dallon's.

Warm tears streamed down my face from the thought. It made the hurt even worse than the long deep slashes against my wrists.

I feel so horrible. I won't be only killing myself but the life that flourishes inside of me. You see, I'm intersex. I have male parts on the outside and female repetitive organs on the inside. The doctor said it was unlikely that the fetus would live only a few months before it would inevitably die. That didn't help with my mental health at all, and finding out that Dallon didn't want anything to do with me only added to the turmoil. I've finally had enough with this pain called life.

I slump against the shower wall, placing a hand over my stomach, letting the crimson substance slide down the drain. You don't need it anyway.

The tears have stopped at this point. Everything has. I stare at the while tiled wall unblinking. I didn't leave a note. why should I? No one would care.

Everything felt so peaceful. I didn't have to worry about if I was a burden to anyone anymore. I could just... not be.

it was hard to hear anything. it was all distorted like I was underwater. You technically are, you fucking idiot. ( My mind has never been kind to me. ) Yet, I can hear the front door bang again the wall, and a few seconds later the bathroom door does the same. I don't move. I can't. I'm fading quickly and I've never felt so at peace.... These words I'll keep locked up inside me as I fall asleep forever.