The Truth Is... [Brallon]

WHITE NOISE

BRENDON'S POV:

I've been in the hospital for two days and not one person has come to see me. I was told about my loss. It was all my fault even if I knew I'd lose the baby eventually. It still hurts knowing that I ended my own child's life. It hurts knowing you'll never be able to mean something to someone.

I really shouldn't be surprised that no one has stopped to check on me. No one cares.

I've tried to end myself again, but the stupid psych guard caught me and now I'm strapped to the bed like a caged animal. I feel as if I'm being drowned in a fucking hurricane. I should've never left my heart on the line.

---

It's the third day of a week's stay at this place they call a hospital. I call it hell. Love is hell.

I'm still not surprised that no one came to see me.

I didn't try to end myself today because I remembered something. Even if I have no one, I still have music. My friend Tyler Connolly had been asking me two write some lyrics for his new album, and I think I might just have those lyrics.

---

I finally call Tyler on the fourth day.

Still no visitors and still not surprised.

I gave up waiting for anyone on the third day.

Tyler agreed to meet me a week later when I was released. I read some of the lyrics over the phone for him because I was in no mood to sing. Hell, I doubt I'd ever be able to actually perform anymore.

"Damn, Man. What happened that made you come up with these AWESOME lyrics?" Tyler sounded excited about the idea and that gave me slight hope.

"I don't know just... I've been thinking about these for a while and you've been asking for my help.. Thought I'd finally give in."

"I'm glad you did! This is going to be an amazing album because of you, Brendon."

"It's no problem Tyler, " I mumbled, not used to the praise. "Hey, I got to go. We'll meet up later, yeah?" I said when a doctor came in, Dallon was walking in behind him.

"Yeah! of course. It'll be nice to see you again, man. I've missed hanging out with you."

I wasn't expecting that. Tyler was like Spencer. Nice. But that doesn't mean he actually cares.

"That's good to hear. Can't wait." I hung up before he could say anything else, watching Dallon closely. I might have been glaring at him. What the hell was he doing here after what he did? It was never really about the things he had said in the lyrics. Well, maybe a little. But, it was mostly because of what he had done with Ryan. The infidelity.

I didn't say anything to him, just glared while I spoke with the doctor.

He was explaining that I could try again for another child eventually and there were drugs to help carry full term.

I was trying to hold back tears as he spoke. Why would I try again? I wasn't planning for something like to happen since I'm basically a man. Hell, I don't even know what I am... a freak. That's what I am. They used the term intersex when they explained that I was pregnant. God, that's something I never thought I'd hear.

It's not that I never wanted children, in just never thought they would be coming from me.

I could maybe try with someone else that actually cared. But, that would never happen. No one cares about me.

Dallon looked bored. Like he was obligated to be here on my behalf. Fuck him and Ryan too.

I was no longer restrained and got up and went into the bathroom soon as the doctor left. I couldn't deal with Dallon or anyone for that matter. I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I just needed to hideaway. I don't even know why he's here if he said all of those things.

God, I'm such a fucking mess. I cry in the bathroom for close to thirty minutes. Luckily no one bothered me because they could probably hear my sobs echo through the bathroom.

I compose myself and rub away the tears with the back of my hand. My eyes and cheeks were so red. But, it's not like anyone would care. I felt so alone...

I open the door, expecting Dallon to be gone by now. He wasn't. Fuck. Why is he still here? does he get off on my pain?

Spencer was sitting in one of the chairs next to Dallon who was standing, leaning against the wall like he had been doing since he got here. Spencer must've come in after I went to the bathroom.

"Hey, Bren. How are you feeling?" Spencer asked in a soft bubbly voice while I walked around the bed, sitting on the edge.

"Like shit." It wasn't a lie.

I swear I saw Dallon's face soften. Maybe it was my imagination. He still didn't say anything.

"Hey, Spence? I'll be staying with Tyler Connolly for a while before I can find my place. Do you remember him?" I try to pretend Dallon isn't even there.

"Yeah, I remember him. He was a nice guy. Did you finally give in and write those lyrics for him?"

"H - how did you know about that? But, the short answer is yes."

"I may have been stupid and broke off our friendship that I was completely wrong about the reason, but I still care about you and might have been making sure you were going okay..." Spencer admitted.

I was a little surprised by the entire confession. Wait. Spencer was wrong and he admitted it? He said he cared.. Normally I wouldn't believe it. But, he also admitted to keeping tabs on me.

"Can... we try again?" Spencer asked. His tone was almost hopeful and that gave me a little hope too.

"Y - yeah. Of course! You're my best friend, Spence." basically the only person I have left.