The perfect storm in a quiet room

Chapter 10

I finally had my long-awaited shower and I feel much better. My hair doesn't look so greasy anymore and has recovered its natural gloss. My lips aren't dry now thanks to my Chapstick and as regards the horrible dark circles under my eyes and the bruise on my forehead, I cover them up with make-up. Nothing that a touch of concealer and foundation can't fix.

I walk into my bedroom and get dressed with a clean change of clothing. I take some pills to calm my backache and lay on my bed. I grab my phone and look at the time on the screen. It's seven a.m., which means school starts in thirty minutes. I have time to eat something before heading out to school, even though I'm not hungry.

I'm still with my phone in hand looking at a few WhatsApp messages I received last night. Most of them are from Casy. I read some of her messages before turning off my phone. Nearly all of them read: "Hannah, can I stop by your home? I need to tell you something important". Or: "Hannah, Hannah, please answer me". That last one is repeated almost a hundred times. Well, she didn't tell me anything important after all.

There's no point in answering those messages now so I turn off my phone, shove it into my backpack front pocket and then go downstairs. When I walk into the kitchen I find my mom wearing pajamas, cooking waffles for breakfast. It smells delicious and my stomach rumbles as soon as I sniff that heady scent.

I eye her and she does the same. We say hello to each other emotionlessly and then go back to our own business. It's always been like that lately, we're not so friendly with each other since my dad left us.

I approach her and force a smile, but she doesn't even look at me. She seems distracted, off... it's like her body is right here by my side but her mind is wandering somewhere else. She doesn't even ask me how I am doing at school, she acts like I don't exist... something that really hurts me. I can't do anything about that, though. She's like that, I can't change her. However, today I sense she's moroser than usual. I'm sure something's up with her.

I pile up some waffles on my plate and decorate my appetizing breakfast with strawberries and melted chocolate on top. I take a large mouthful of my delicious meal and chew it thoroughly, thinking about the issues my mom and I need to discuss. The letter she sent to the school without telling me; what she did last night —probably, she just worked till late, though, something feels off— and what the hell is wrong with her. She's been acting odd since yesterday and I want to know what the fuck is happening.

I finish my breakfast and put the plate in the dishwasher. I take a sip of water and grab my backpack. I say goodbye to my mom, but, again, she doesn't even bother to answer.

***

I arrive at school ten minutes earlier than usual and I already feel calmer than yesterday. I think I might consider this getting-up-early thing, it has its benefits.

I take my usual seat at the back of the classroom and scan the room looking for Casy, but she is not here. I'm starting to worry. Where is she? Isn't she coming to class? Maybe she's not. Perhaps she doesn't want to see me, given everything that happened...

That thought crosses my mind just for a few minutes and then vanishes as I see Casy walking into the room. In that moment, millions of ideas, thoughts and questions flash across my mind. Gosh, I met her twenty-four hours ago and my mind is already a mess!

On the one hand, she tells me she wants me to feel closer to her; she calls me her friend; she says I'm beautiful and that she wants to get to know me better. And on the other hand, she is poker-faced, distant, telling me not to share secrets with each other. And then the moment... then it's that moment... the moment she got closer to me and... yeah, I still can't wrap my head around it. Apparently, it's harder than it looks to forget about that... situation.