The perfect storm in a quiet room

Chapter 13

Finally the ring of the bell fills my ears, putting an end to this endless torture. Lately, every class I've taken seemed endless and I haven't been able to focus on any of them. I didn't even take down notes and that's odd since, in my other school, I used to take notes of everything. Well, back then, I didn't even care about the bell ringing and now it's my favorite sound. It's unbelievable how small things like these can change in such a short period of time.

I look at Leo, who's putting his belongings in his bag. Luckily he's been quiet the whole class. I thought he was going to bother the shit out of me, but that didn't happen. He didn't say anything; he was focused on the class and barely looked at me. I don't even know why he wanted to sit with me if he wasn't gonna say anything. How strange.

"Well... this was fun," he says mockingly. "So... I'll see you on Friday at the party, then. Bye Hannah" he ends up saying as he walks to the door, leaving me on a cliffhanger.

What is he talking about? What party? I didn't know there was a party this Friday; nobody told me anything. Am I supposed to know about this party? Maybe I am? I don't know, I'm just as confused as I was when Casy and I talked this morning. These people are going to drive me crazy.

"What party?" I ask, bewildered by this new information.

Suddenly he seems... tense. He's now wearing a serious expression on his face. He even looks like he's annoyed, but why would he be annoyed?

"The party I'm throwing this Friday at my house. Hasn't Casy told you? My god, Casy! I told her to invite you. Sometimes she's so... " he pauses, looking for the exact word "forgetful. Anyway, are you coming?"

I ponder the question before answering. A party? I've never been to a party and I don't know if I'd like to. It's not my perfect idea of fun and certainly is not what I usually do.

Going to a party, though, may help me change my image of "nerd" and "weirdo" I had at my other school. And it would certainly help me meet new people, so why not? It's not a bad idea after all and maybe I'd finally meet new friends, maybe even... my best friend, as I always wished. Because Casy is not like I thought she was at all and I don't know if I want to be her friend after all this chaos.

"Yeah, I'm going," I reply softly, but then realize I don't even know the time nor the address of the party. When I'm about to ask that, Leo interrupts me and says:

"Great, I'm texting you the address and time. Can I have your number?" he asks while unlocking his phone and getting closer to me to add me to his contacts.

I do the same. Then I give him my number and he gives me his. We say goodbye to each other with a weak smile and he leaves the room. I, on the other hand, remain seated, mulling over this situation.

Why the fuck did I say yes? I don't like parties. Besides, this... tastes weird to me. I mean, it's odd that Casy hasn't told me anything about this party, although... maybe she didn't find the right time to tell me, as she doesn't find the right time to say to me what she really needs to say to me.

I sigh. Casy... God, our conversation this morning was... a lot. I think I'm worst after hearing that she and Leo had sex. I don't know why, but the only thing I do know is that the more I get to know her, the more I want to stay away from her. However, there's this little part of me that... I don't know, I don't know what to do, what to think, I'm just... clueless, that is.

I decide to stop fretting over this situation, it's pointless. I just met her yesterday, so I can't expect to know everything about her, the same way she can't pretend to know everything about me and that's perfect, it's the way it has to be. So, from now on I'm steering clear of her. This whole situation is not good for me. I'm having awful days and I discover a new thing every day that turns out it's more confusing than the last one.

Suddenly, I feel my head starts to ache. So, I stand on my feet and go out into the hallway to walk a bit, stretch my legs and get some air. I need to clear my head, but the party... thinking about the party is not going to allow me to do that. I need to think about what I'm going to wear, I need to see when it is and most importantly, see if my mum allows me to go —which reminds me I have unfinished business with her— and if she doesn't, I'll make up an excuse. Besides, I need to think how I'm gonna get there, but that depends on how far I live from Leo's house.

God, the thought alone stresses me out. Honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't overthink every single thing in my life, but I'm an overthinker, I have to accept it.

When I'm walking down the hallway, the fresh air coming in through the open windows hits my face, and it's an exquisite sensation I haven't felt in a while. Following the direction of the airstream, I get closer to the window. I rest my elbows on the window frame and cup my left cheek with my left hand. I look up to the sky and notice it's cloudy. I think it's definitely going to rain, which is perfect. There's nothing I love more than a rainy day. Well, maybe there is: my books. So I'd say I love them as much as I love rainy days.

I keep staring at the clouds covering the blue sky, which is not blue anymore and I sigh. The air now feels colder on my skin, and I instantly wish I was there, outdoors, wrapped in that chill wind I love so much.

That's it: I'm skipping the rest of the classes. I'm not in the mood to keep hearing the teachers explaining something I don't give a fuck to; my brain has more important business to take care of. Besides, it's just the beginning of the year; the content is barely relevant.

I move away from the window, heading back to the classroom, happy with my decision of skipping classes. I grab my things as fast as I can and try to get the hell out of here before the bell rings and some teacher can stop me from doing this.

Once I'm outside the school, I breathe a few times. I look around, beaming, proud of my choice. Finally, for the first time in my life I'm making a decision without thinking about others, without taking into consideration the consequences... I'm just thinking about myself and the present moment. I'm thinking about what I really need right now. I'm just happy that for just a moment I stopped worrying about Casy and Leo and the party... And I'm feeling... blithe. Is that the word? Yeah, it is.