The perfect storm in a quiet room

Chapter 26

I reminisce about my life and how it changed in such a short period of time. It's totally unbelievable. I've never thought someone's life could change so much in three days. I thought that was practically impossible.

Memories of the first day of school pop up in my mind. I sigh. How excited I was... I thought this was going to be my year once and for all, but I was wrong. All those expectations I had, faded away as soon as I walked through that damn wooden door.

I sigh. How come so many things can happen in such a short period of time? I honestly think about it and don't believe it.

I open my eyes again and look at Casy, who is walking next to me. If I hadn't come across this blonde-green-eyed girl, nothing in my life would have fallen apart. Well, maybe it would, since she’s not to blame for my family's dysfunctionality and their secrets and lies. Anyway, if she hadn't gotten in my way, now maybe I'd have friends and we'd be doing friendly-typical-teenagers stuff like anyone else at 16, but nope. Now I'm alone and I don't know a fucking person I can trust. I'm basically like I was before. Worse I could say because now I can't even trust my mom.
I have to forget about all that shit I thought last night. Casy is not my salvation, she's not my hope, she's nobody to me! She's a dark pit, which I have to get away from urgently before it swallows me up and suffocates me completely.
This situation reminds me a bit of Hardin and Tessa's relationship. Hardin would be the dark pit and Tessa would be the person who gets sucked in by it. Hardin ruined Tessa's life and left her with nothing else to offer. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want a person to destroy my life like that.
I don't care what I felt at some point for Casy, which I didn't even know quite what it was. But, if I did feel something, I was totally confused and didn't see things clearly. Now, I finally opened my eyes and notice that she brings more problems into my life than solutions and I honestly don't need any more problems than I already have. I need to get away from her before it gets worse.

“And that's pretty much it,” Casy says and I have no idea what she's talking about. I was so immersed in my thoughts that only now I realize she's talking to me.
“Casy,” I say, standing in front of her to stop her in her tracks. My tone is harsh and my expression is serious. I have to put an end to this.
“What's wrong? Is everything all right?” she asks, confused and uneasy.
“No, nothing’s all right,” I say and notice how my eyes start to fill with tears.
“Hannah, what's wrong? Tell me,” she says worried, as she puts a hand on my shoulder, but I push her away immediately.
“You Castille, you're the problem. Since I met you my life is completely shit. Since that fucking day when you accidentally threw me to the floor, you ruined my life. First lunch; then you come to my house drunk at one in the fucking morning. The next day Leo invites me to a party and when I ask you about it, you lie to my face. Every fucking time I say something, you react badly or walk away from me or whatever the fuck you do! I don't even know how to talk to you anymore because I don't know how the fuck you're going to react! On top of all that, every time I feel that we are getting closer and that we can be friends you say something stupid like: "we shouldn't tell each other so many secrets", "it's better that we don't know too much about each other" and all that shit that I've had enough of! You confuse me Castille, all the time. We get one step closer and then three steps away. You sleep... with me, you say nice things to me, you tell me you think about me and then you act like you don’t even want me around  in front of Leo. I don't understand anything! And I'm sick of this mystery!” I finish my long-ass speech while my voice is breaking little by little as the uncontrollable crying takes possession of me. “Oh, and I almost forgot, you made me have lunch with a rapist! Are you aware of that? And today he almost took me to his house to surely do to me the same thing he did to you this morning in the fucking school restroom!” I hysterically shout, trying to get my voice’s strength back, not giving a shit how she's going to react.
Okay, now that I’ve said it... maybe that last one was too much. Okay, it was too much. I had no right to bring up that touchy subject that surely is going to upset her. Besides, it's not even her fault what happened today with Leo. Anyway, what's done is done. I can't turn back time.