The perfect storm in a quiet room

Chapter 22

The rest of the day at school is... I don't even know how to describe it since I was barely paying attention. My head was and is only focused on Casy and Leo. And how can I forget such a... situation—it's impossible.

Everyone runs out of the classroom as I walk slowly, looking everywhere in order to find Casy, but she's nowhere to be found.

I give up and walk out of school, not knowing where the fuck I'm going to go, since, of course, I don't plan to go back home. I can't go to someone's house either because I don't know anyone. Excellent.

I sigh and sit down on a bench in front of the school. I drop my backpack to the side and sigh again. Oh my god. Such crazy days... I can barely comprehend what's going on around me and what's even worse is that I don't even know what's going on with... everything. Just when I finally think my life could get better, something happens and complicates things even more. When will this end?

I lower my head, rub my hands over my face and then massage my temples. I raise my head, look around and realize... I'm alone. I am alone. Alone as I've always been and as it seems I always will be. I had such high expectations with a fresh start at a new school, but nothing went as expected and I know it's only been three fucking days, but... I don't know... I was just hoping to at least have more people to talk to. However, I can barely talk to Casy and to the rest of the school I'm invisible. And this hurts me, it hurts me so much because I'm a girl who wants to feel like any other teenage girl. I'm a girl who wants to get to school with a friend who picked her up early in the morning and walk home together. I'm a girl who wants to have a big group of friends, who talk to her, take care of her, make jokes. I am a girl who wants her teachers to treat her like any other student, without looking after her. I am a girl who wants a normal family, to get home and see her mom and dad hugging her and waiting for her to eat a delicious plate of pasta. I'm a girl who wants... a life she can enjoy.

A tear slides down my cheek and I immediately pull a pack of tissues out of my backpack. I always carry one of these wherever I go—you never know when my emotions will want to come out.

I wipe my eyes with the tissue and think. I think about how much I would love to be in front of my memory box right now, reminiscing about every moment of my life since I was a little girl. I would love to be reading my journal as a child, where my dreams, my fears and my insecurities are written down. I would love to be there, in front of my things from when I was little, stacked in boxes; boxes that bring me many memories and that somehow fill me with happiness. I wish I could see all those things and remember the dreams and hopes that little Hannah had, but that would mean going back to my house and I'm not ready to see my mom. Although... now that I think about it, my mom is probably working at the restaurant, so I could go into my house without her seeing me, grab my box of memories and some money, clothes and some stuff to spend the night in a hotel or something.

I stand on my feet, grab my backpack and pull my cell phone out of my front pocket. Thirty missed calls from my mom, but I'm not returning them. She brought this on herself when she told me that last night.

I put my cell phone back in my backpack, sling it over my shoulder and head back home.