How You Really Are | Jearmin

Chapter 10

Jean had clearly been duller since his argument with Armin at the hospital and that's something that everyone who had seen him had noticed.

Only one weekend had been enough for the brunette to begin to feel the incredible lack of the blonde in his life. They had become too close and this one just meant so much to him, the idea of ​​not being able to speak to him or get close was eating him up inside.

He needed Armin, he loved him, he knew he really did and he really wanted to be that person who would support him during his recovery and who could help him love himself more.

He didn't understand why his stomach turned when trying to admit it out loud, not because it was Armin but because he wasn't a girl, although he honestly already wanted to put all that behind him.

Jean had been all his class debating whether or not to go talk to Reiner, it wasn't easy for him but he felt that he really needed to take a risk.

Braun was not exactly a very close friend of his but they still talked a lot and he used to be present in gatherings with his friends, being in their close circle and acting like an older brother to everyone, he was actually a very trustworthy person for what he was his best choice.

"Hey, Reiner, can I talk to you about something?" He asks, approaching him. He would be direct and go straight to the point because this was something he had to do.

"Yeah, sure." Then he pulled away from Porco, Marcel and Pieck.

They both walk a bit, away from the others and then the blonde looks at him.

"What's going on?"

"Can I ask you something without sounding very..." how can he put it delicately?, "homophobic?" Reiner almost laughed at such direct honesty.

"Let's see what it is," he answers, amused.

"Is there a specific reason why you like men too?" He knew how stupid he sounded asking something like that but, ugh, he just couldn't tolerate this whole situation anymore.

"Is there a specific reason why you like women?"

"I already know that answer and it doesn't work," he complains, inevitably.

"You're not asking me because you were just surprised that I was dating a boy, right?"

"Don't assume things," he points out.

"Well ahead."

"It's just that everyone always assumes they're straight because that's how they raise most of us ..."

"A retrograde thought."

"Yes, and that's why at some point you had to notice that it wasn't like that, right? That moment was..."

"It was when I began to notice boys as well as girls, I don't know what to say, they only attracted me in the same way."

"And how did you assume it?"

"I ignored it for a while, I tried so hard to do it and it was awful, then once I got drunk at a party and ended up kissing Bertholdt and that's when I realized that I hated having to pretend to be straight and that I loved to like guys too, I only let myself be once, without pressure or prejudice, and that felt a thousand times better than trying to be something I wasn't."

In fact, it was very hard to be pretending and forcing himself to only focus on girls since he had fallen in love with a boy, and being with him was the best feeling in the world, one that he never wanted to leave.

"Were you too surprised that I like men?"

"Well, you know, I didn't think someone so..." and although Jean had that little voice in his head telling him not to say what he was about to say, he did anyway, "masculine like you would like another guy."