Her World

Chapter Four

Chapter 4

The rest of the night passed as a blur. Noah stayed for dinner, everyone seemed happy. I just picked at my food, my mind was elsewhere; I just couldn’t understand why there were no photos of me. Surely they must have some. I decided that I would ask my mom and dad about it tomorrow, right now I didn't have the energy. As soon as dinner was over I made me escape to my bedroom, my safe haven. Maybe a nice hot shower will do me good, stop thinking about all of this.

Today has been too eventful for me and all I want to do is sleep. But before I do I can’t help but check Facebook just to be nosey. I notice Karla has written a status saying ‘who does she think she is?’ I see that they are over 100 comments. I load all the comments wondering what the commotion is all about. Surely i couldn’t be me; I haven’t had a run in with Karla today.

Looking down the comments, no names are mentioned just seeing loads of comments like ‘She's nobody’, ‘your better than her’. I just keep scrolling then I feel my stomach drop. ‘She isn’t worth your breath, just a fat ugly pig who still doesn’t understand where she stands in this school’ then more load,

‘OINK’

‘She smells like that tramp on Mason Street, ugh she makes me want to throw up’

‘She did have loads of friends before she ate them’ I feel a warm liquid run down my face, I cant help the sob came out of my mouth. One more comment confirms my worst fears.

‘Marie should realise that Jake would never be interested in her, not when I’m here, why doesn’t she just do us all a favour and kill herself.’

I can’t tear my eyes away, Karla posted that comment. 10 minutes past before I shut my laptop. Standing up walking over to the mirror, just staring blankly at the girl standing before me, I holding my hand over my mouth as I muffle the cry breaking free. My make up my leaving a trail of black lines covering my cheeks.

I stumble into the bathroom shutting the door behind me; I strip down getting in to the warm showing hoping my problems will disappear. Sadly they don’t, the questions surrounding my head.  Am I really that fat? Do I disgust people? I smell? I can’t even look down at my body. I grab my apple smelling shampoo washing my hair. I look down at my skin, do I really smell? Grabbing the soap and the scrubbing sponge, I apply the soap. I make sure that there’s lots of soap on it before rubbing it all over my body, gradually getting faster applying me pressure. I can’t help the tears that are now escaping my eyes; I’m trying to hold back to sob that threatens to come out of my mouth. My skin is slowly turning red, but it doesn’t stop me. I can't stop till I'm sure i dont smell anymore. I keep scrubbing until it becomes unbearable,

I don’t even notice that I’ve dropped the scrubbing brush; I just clamber out of the shower collapsing into the floor pulling my naked sore body into a ball. I feel numb; the silent tears just keep rolling down my face. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying there but I slowly get up, turn the shower off and walk up to the now misty mirror. I grab a towel off the side, rubbing it over the mirror so I can see my reflection.

I just stare at myself; I have never felt this bad about myself before. I notice every single imperfection. My hips are too wide, my hair is dull and not long enough. My eyes bright hazel eyes make me look ill against my pale skin. My breasts are too big, my thighs are huge they don’t have that gap that I so longed for. I’m a mess and for the first time I really hate myself, not just my body but me. I hate myself.

Could I really end it, finally rid the pain in my chest? I really want it to go away, I miss being the happy girl. I’m just filled with hate and I don’t know what to do. My shaky hands reach out for the razor sitting by the side of the bath. Unsteadily I run my fingers over the cool metal; it nips at my finger tips leaving a few drops of blood running down my fingers. I try to get the blaze out of the razor but I can’t. I fingers keep slipping causing another small cut. I let a frustrated sigh leave my lips, I CANT EVEN DO THIS RIGHT! The razor leaves my hands as it flies through the air to the other side on the bathroom falling into the bath.

“Marie are you done in there? I want a shower” 

I let out a shaky breath, and I stumble around the bathroom collecting my clothes and rapping a towel around myself. Opening the door seeing a frustrated Melissa glaring at me holding her shampoo in her hands. I scramble past her and but she grabs me by the arm again. I gasp as her fingers curl round my over sensitive skin.

“If you think I'm going to let earlier- have you been crying?” she asks wearily looking me over, “why is your skin so red?” looking at me worriedly. Marie are you mad? Melissa worried about me? haha funny.

“I had the water on hot, I fancied a hot shower guess it was a little too warm” letting a nervous laugh. She just glares at me; I think she’s trying to see if I’m lying.

Thankfully she just leaves it and carries on into the bedroom, just as I’m about to shut my door, I can hear she talking to herself.

“Why is there blood on the towel?” oh no I forgot about that, some of the blood must of dropped into it when I was getting my clothes. Come on think fast!

“I must of cut myself shaving, you know how clumsy I am” letting out another nervous laugh before shutting my door. I quickly get into my shorts, the material burning against my skin. I towel dry my hair before pulling it into a bun turning my light off and getting into bed. I can’t help but have another look see to if anything else has been said about me. I flick the screen up and wait for it to load again. I click back on Karla’s page, I still have no idea why we are even friends on this, I don’t remember adding her. That thought completely disappears as I notice that there are now 200 comments.

I hesitated over the more button, do I really want to see what they are putting about me? No the truth is I don’t, but I need to see what else there saying about me. I click on the button and instantly more comments fill my screen. All saying the same as what has already been said, some talking about my weight, others that I stink and then I see that 50 people have liked Karla’s comment about me ending my life.

How can people be so cruel? I don’t even know who some of these people are. My eyes start to turn as I feel more tear trickle down my cheeks. More and more comments are loading; I can’t read anymore so I shut my laptop down, placing it on the floor. Why me? I think letting the darkness take over me.

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This chapter isnt very long but its an important part,

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Sophie.ox