So I don't Forget Again PT.2

Entry 215: Zora's Domain

My arm was acting up more than usual last night, so I went to the doctors. I've been seeing the doctors regularly, but the visits were often so short I never thought to note them, not much happened anyway.

I'm not sure if this was ever said before, but... if it was I guess it's only hitting me now? It's unlikely I'll ever be able to completely recover from this infection in my arm, my healing ability is acting as a determent to that, but without it I likely wouldn't even be able to use my arm right now. The pain isn't so bad, what I'm more worried about is climbing and fighting. Climbing, I already avoid for Bossa Nova's sake but when I do, do it, my arm can't take much, that pain, it's like lightning, zapping through my arm freezing it. At least when I fight I'm able to ignore the pain and focus on surviving, but what if my arm freezes up like when climbing, it would get me killed. I've dealt with it for so long now it's everyday life, but...

I'm scared. I'm scared I'll fail; I'm scared of anything that may be a weakness, I'm scared of even facing the thing. What if I am able to beat it, and the one thing that get's me killed, and makes me fail is this arm. Even if I stay here for years, I can't get rid of this, and this is not some weakness I can work though. Its just there. Forever. And there's nothing I can do about it. I can't stop it from hurting me and holding me back.

I tried training against the Hinox, I have no idea if the Calamity will take a small form like a bokoblin or large like a Hinox so I need to practice against enemies of all sizes. It has to take on a form, right? It's not just that black mist around the castle, right? I HAVE to be able to fight it. Like those nightmares, they took on a form. Maybe the Calamity will be like that. It just has too.

Sidon found me. He had me help more with making Bossa Nova's armor, doing some carving, trying to spot the weak points, and use ones while avoiding others. Even when I messed up Sidon praised me and showed me how I could still use the piece, and it's shape just had to be altered a little. I asked Sidon if he already knew I was worrying again. Even if my arm fails I just have to work with it, I have no other choice.

Still though, I know Sidon wants to take me on dates and properly court me as he says but...

I have to go. I think Sidon knows what I'm thinking, he spent extra time finishing up Bossa Nova's armor when he should have been working. He'll probably have it finished tomorrow.

I'm going to spend the night taking notes on everything I know, all the fighting stances and techniques I have learned in a journal, this is one to gift to Riju. I can't stay to teach her, but I want to keep my promise to her. I just hope this could be good enough.