I didn't take my meds today.
Two days ago Caitlin Adams asked if I was bipolar because I was into her on Monday but by Friday I had figured out that she was too demanding.
But those words, that question... it seeped into my soul and tarnished my tho...
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The house was silent when I got home, I tiptoed through the rooms trying to minimise the sound of my footsteps against their hardwood floors.
When I got to my bedroom I opened my closest and picked out my most cherished items, hiding them under my mattress just in case I needed to speed pack and they wouldn't let me take everything.
"Fearne, could you come in here for a moment?" Olivia shouted from her bedroom.
"Shit." I whispered, taking one last lingering look around my room. I slipped my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, I knew they wouldn't let me keep that but I really, really wanted to. "What's up?" I asked trying to be casual.
She was standing in her closet packing clothes into a suitcase. Liam was messing around with a wrist watch, not really paying attention. Their closet was bigger than my bedroom, everything organised into sections, complete with a full wall of shoes and handbags. My first thought instantly fell back to the chamber.
It was the linen closet in my fathers house, a small square room, dark and dusty. The shelves housed towels and bed sheets, the linoleum floor housed me whenever I needed punishing.
Sometimes I would be in there for days, refusing to use the chamber pot that I was given resulting in kidney stones, bladder infections and stomach cramps.
But the worst thing about the chamber wasn't the discomfort I felt inside, or the pain I had to my tailbone for sitting so many hours, it was feeling of being trapped. Being locked in. And the fear I felt when the walls seemed like they were closing in on me.
"We had a phone call from your principal today. It took a lot to get you into that school, they don't just accept everyone. You understand that, right?"
"Yes." I twanged the hair ties on my wrist awkwardly. She continued folding her clothes and putting them into her suitcase. Liam continued trying to clasp his wrist watch closed with one hand. Why were they being so normal?
"Its just that most of the kids at that school get special privileges because they're legacies or from wealthy, famous families. I don't agree with it but I'm just one voice among sea of other entitled parents. What I'm trying to say is, Principal Moore will always take the other persons side over yours and for that reason you need to watch yourself."
"I'm sorry, okay? I was raised better than to disrespect my elders and act out. Children should be seen and not heard, same goes for ladies. You don't need to worry, I've already packed up my things. You can call Janet now." Liam looked up from his wrist watch for the first time and Olivia froze her folding.
"You've packed? Are you not happy here Fearne?" Olivia asked, I shrugged in a carefree way. If they didn't want me here I sure as shit wasn't going to tell them that I wanted to stay.
They just stared at one another in that special way they do. The way that makes me think they can hear one each other's thoughts.
"I was just going to ask if everything was okay, if you're having trouble settling into your new school." Olivia finally spoke, softly and without judgement.
"The school is fine." I admitted.
"Unpack your things dumbass, this is your home now. You're not going anywhere, no matter how many detentions you get."
"Liam!" Olivias eyes widened in horror at his bluntness but I bit back a grin, failing at keeping it concealed.
I loved the ability he had to make everything feel completely normal. His informality made it seem like I wasn't intruding on a family home and burdening their lives with my troubles but more like I was already part of the family.
I don't think Olivia understood how much I needed to be treated like that. She was different, in foster parent mode, the overly attentive, overly nice, non judgmental advice and support giver.
Or at least that's how the foster parents are when they're around other people. Behind closed doors it was always a different story.
"Okay, but what's my punishment?" I asked timidly. If they were gonna let me stay I doubt I would get off lightly.
"We're gonna let this one slide since it's your first offence but be warned, in future you'll be made to wear the cap." Liam winked at me playfully and held up a black baseball cap with the words 'I acted like a dick today' written across the front.
"That's it?" I asked oozing with seriousness, it was a dumb hat but I could wear it. He dropped the cap back down on the shelf and furrowed his brows.
"It's a joke Fearne, get outta here!" I didn't need telling twice. I practically jogged down the stairs to the family room where everyone was hanging out watching cartoons.
Jamie clasped his hands together and rubbed his palms. "Right mom and dad are going to England with everyone else tomorrow to see Faith, Arlo's sister. They'll be gone the whole weekend. Chloe is staying at her friends and Henry is obviously going with them. I'm throwing a party, gonna need you both to disappear somewhere."
I glanced at Cam and he smiled at me, in a completely dismissive way. Like this request wasn't rude at all, it was very much accepted. I half wondered if Jamie had smoked the devils seed or something.
"Eat a bag of dicks!" I told him. "You want the party, we're coming to it." I jut out my hips, meaning business. He chuckled to himself lowly and tussled messy blonde hair between his fingers.
"You wouldn't last five minutes at one of my parties but fine, whatever, your funeral." Cam glanced at me nervously but I held a straight expression because right then and there I meant it.
