I didn't take my meds today.
Two days ago Caitlin Adams asked if I was bipolar because I was into her on Monday but by Friday I had figured out that she was too demanding.
But those words, that question... it seeped into my soul and tarnished my tho...
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I sat on the bus, my usual seat next to Cameron, the air-con blew my hair in wisps over my face. My voice was lost somewhere in my mental struggle but I listened to Cams ramblings about bucket hats making a comeback.
I'll miss his morning nattering. Hell, I'll miss this school bus. The sticky seats, the smell of aerosols, the blatant disregard every single person had for me. Lakeland wasn't my home, however for four months it was the place I felt most settled.
But the thing I would miss the most wouldn't even talk to me. He was there, he was there everyday I stepped off that school bus, surrounded by people.
Mingled with the crowd he looked so ... normal. His uniform, clean and without crinkles, his hair secured with product, his eyes sparkling with life and his demeanour causally laidback.
Nobody would ever know of his inner struggles, nobody would even guess that fourteen days ago he was naked on the freeway following orders from Jesus because the federal government was after him.
I risked my life following him out onto that freeway. He crashed the car and I was the one who got hurt. I was about to lose my home, my safety because I helped him. Still, he's the one who ghosted me.
I walk into a room, he walks out of it. I approach him, he finds an excuse to leave. He's had me blocked on social media since the whole dick-pic incident and I don't exist to him anymore.
Do I regret helping him? No. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Do I wish things were different between us? Yes.
I cradled my arms around myself, he messed around with a soccer ball kicking it back and forth to Eli and Jamie, not a care in the world. I guess it didn't even matter anymore.
"You okay Fearne? You seem quiet." Cam asked as I glowered my eyes in his direction angrily.
"Just peachy." I told an obvious lie.
I didn't like hearing his laughter around school and I certainly didn't like knowing a beautiful girl made him laugh.
I didn't like the way he ran his fingers through his dark curls or leaned against the lockers on his elbow in some fucking cool guy pose.
I didn't like the way she was looking at him, batting her eyelids and pushing her breasts out to make them seem bigger than they actually were. I've seen you change for gym Tamera Robinson, they're not that big.
The bell rang above our heads and a colony of smartly dressed navy tartan, blazers and shirts all moved into their classrooms.
I slipped into Geography with Mr Hayes. It was the most boring lesson on Earth. He spoke with a monotonous voice and had an eye condition that prevented him from looking anywhere but up.
As he droned on and on I sat on the back row, scrolling through my phone, hidden strategically behind a textbook.
I darted upright in my seat when I noted a new follow request on Instagram - Aiden Morgan. A quick nosedive into his feed showed me everything I wasn't missing in my hometown. The nostalgia was bitter and crippling, it pulled me into the darkest crevices of my own mind.
