I didn't take my meds today.
Two days ago Caitlin Adams asked if I was bipolar because I was into her on Monday but by Friday I had figured out that she was too demanding.
But those words, that question... it seeped into my soul and tarnished my tho...
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Rain bounced off the car window, the patters playing a metallic melody on the roof. Outside was as dreary as my mood today.
I decided to forgo my anxiety medication, though I could feel I really needed it. Those meds made my words slur, my reactions slower and my brain fogged. I needed to be clear, brave and strong during my conversation with Blossom.
I was a crumbling mess, so damn nervous to face her. I made a complete dick of myself and she's probably gone laughing about it to everyone at school.
Two weeks ago, I had an episode.
It was a high, followed by a low.
For the first few days, I stayed at a mental institution where they gave me twenty four hour observations and adjusted my meds to higher dosages. Then I went home, crawled into bed and closed myself off from the world.
I didn't eat. I didn't shower. I didn't talk to anyone.
I just wallowed through my regret and self pity alone. Now they're making me go back to school. Face the demons plaguing my mind.
"Call me Arlo, if you want picking up. I'll just come get you straight away, I don't give a fuck about your teachers."
I pulled out my phone and dialled my dads number. He sighed and I smiled cautiously.
"I'm gonna be fine dad." I lied, consumed by dread.
"I love you."
"Love you." I pulled on his door handle and stepped out into the school courtyard.
"Hey Arlo, where have you been?" A girl greeted me practically straight away.
"At home, thinking about you." I winked at her and she giggled.
It was like nothing changed, everyone spoke to me and greeted me just like before. Nobody seemed to be talking about my episode, they only laughed off my flirting and talked about how hot I was.
"Grayson!" I smirked, leaning up against his locker. He smiled at me, his eyes fleeting down my body to check me out.
"What do you want Arlo?" He asked, the smile I gave him permanently attached to his face.
"Your pants really bother me." He looked down at his pants and frowned. "You should take them off." I suggested, flirtatiously. He tsked with his tongue and shoved his palms into my shoulder. "I'm not kidding, I could help?"
"Arlo, you flirt with everyone... how is anyone supposed to take you seriously?" I shrugged. "Hasn't Hattie claimed you anyway?"
"Hattie?"
"Yeah you're fucking her, right?" I am? "Where have you been anyway?"
"Ditching."
"There's no way you're gonna graduate." He chuckled. "Anyway, I'm going off campus for lunch, see you later."
I looked at the cafeteria doors, the smell of pot roast wafting through the air. I knew she would be in there, I needed to face her.
"You can do this Arlo." I said to myself, glancing down at my trembling hand. I clenched my fist and unclenched in an attempt to make it stop. "Jesus, I'm so fucking nervous."
