I didn't take my meds today.
Two days ago Caitlin Adams asked if I was bipolar because I was into her on Monday but by Friday I had figured out that she was too demanding.
But those words, that question... it seeped into my soul and tarnished my tho...
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"I don't want this, Cam you want it?" I looked at the chocolate cake slice on my plate. "I need to lose weight desperately." I added.
Liam and Olivia have been feeding me well and although it's nice to eat I feel heavy.
"Don't be daft there's nothing of you, eat your cake" He continued eating his pasta.
"I gained like three pounds this week and I don't know where it's coming from." I admitted, digging my dessert fork into the fluffy chocolate sponge.
"Umm" Slowly we both looked up at the object causing a shadow over our plates.
Arlo stood over our table and the smile faded from my face. He has been absent from school for the past two weeks, ever since the hotel incident.
When Liam returned home he didn't mention it again and I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to be kicked out. Arlo stood very tensely, everything about his posture seemed awkward which was unusual for him.
"Can I talk to you, privately?" He sucked in his lower lip and waited for my answer.
Cameron looked at me with a questioning glance. But then I pushed away my food plate and nodded, he stepped back giving me the space to stand up and follow him out of the cafeteria.
As we walked down the corridor I started to nervously pick at the skin around my finger nails. This was the first time being alone with him since the hotel. He opened up an empty classroom door and gestured for me to go inside, I hesitated.
Pink, blotchy patches started moving in on his cheeks and he exhaled sadly. "If you're not comfortable being alone with me, I understand. We can go somewhere more open." He spoke quietly, seemingly ashamed of himself.
Arlo peers, the casual, disinterested, not phased by anything guy seemed shy and embarrassed.
Even through his erratic behaviour he caused me no harm. So I honestly didn't know why I hesitated. I stepped into the classroom and hovered somewhere by the teachers desk. He followed me inside and closed the door, then he sucked in his lower lip again and thought carefully about his next words.
"Did you.... Have you told anyone what happened?" He asked timidly.
"No one." I answered honestly. He breathed out a sigh of relief.
"So I ... uh... I have a lot of things I need to apologise for and I'd really appreciate it if, for once you just shut up and listened without interrupting."
He was finding his spark again I see.
He reached into his blazer pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper. He unfolded it, gripping it so hard that it crinkled, he took a deep, shaky breath and I held back a nervous giggle but I think he noticed because he frowned at me.
"I'm sorry for dragging you into my shit." He read from the paper.
"For not taking you back when you asked me to countless times." He glanced up at me quickly before continuing.
"For driving dangerously with you in the car." He glanced at me again, my lips twitched with amusement. I could feel laughter building within me and I was trying so hard not to let it out.
"For involving you in illegal activity. For dancing like a fucking dickhead. For getting naked and climbing on top of you." he paused to look at me again, I hid the twinge of my lips with my knuckles, then he shook his head "Jesus what the fuck was I thinking?"
My smile now was evident. "I'm sorry for getting mad at you. For calling you my girlfriend, for generally being weird as fuck and for making fun of your vegetarian-ism." He glanced at me again and narrowed his eyes at my amused face. "I'm sorry for lying about that last one and for calling you a whore."
He lowered his head again to read from his paper. "I'm sorry for-"
"Stop." He looked up at me and I chewed on my lower lip to remove the smile from my face.
"I told you not to interrupt me, I'm not done." He straightened the paper out and pondered his eyes over the page trying to find wherever he was up to.
"I don't want you to list me everything that happened. Ditch the paper and just have a conversation with me, a real conversation."
He rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. "God, why does everything have to be so complicated with you?"
"What made you do those things?" I was pleading with him for the truth, desperate to know it. To know him. I just don't know why I cared so much.
"Blossom-" So we're back to Blossom, okay. At least that sounds and feels normal.
"Talk to me, help me understand because right now I don't." I stepped closer to him and he held out the paper for me to take.
"Here, if you won't let me read it out then you can read it for yourself. I've apologised, that's all I came here to do. I shouldn't have involved you in that and trust me, I heavily regret it."
"Were you on drugs?" He inhaled deeply.
"No."
"But you-"
"Can we just drop it, okay? Let's just never speak about anything that happened again, to anyone and go our separate ways." He grabbed the strap to his bag and turned for the door.
"It's not enough to just apologise, I deserve an explanation." He stopped, keeping his back to me.
I glanced down at the paper, trying to read his scruffy hand writing, in places it was completely unreadable. He spun around on the spot taking me by surprise, I was sure he would just leave.
"Fine, you want an explanation?" I nodded. "Then you go first." I furrowed my auburn brows at him. "Your wrists, why have they got loads of fucking scars on?" Instinctively I pulled down the sleeves of my blazer and he smirked.
"It's not what you think." I defended. He stared at me blankly, waiting. "I burnt them, third degree burns."
"Nah, I'm not buying that bullshit. You burnt both of your wrists? Nope, try again." He shook his head dismissing my claims instantly.
"It's true!" I had a little outburst of fury before continuing to hopefully make my story more believable. "on a pizza oven, it was a wide pan and the oven gloves stopped just before my wrists." My web of lies only grew with each added word and I started mimicking the actions of how I would've burnt myself if the story were true. He watched my charades silently and once I was done he nodded his head only once.
"Show me." He folded his arms over his chest smugly and I scrunched my face up in annoyance.
"No." I took a step backwards absentmindedly.
"Go on, show me. You got to see a lot more of me than I bargained for in that hotel, the least you can do is show me your wrists." He smirked, knowing he had caught me out, there was no way in hell I would show him the numerous slashes on each of my wrists.
"No." I denied him again, my anger clearly rising.
He chuckled to himself and shook his head. "See Blossom, it's really easy to take off your clothes but it's so fucking hard to get naked." I finally understood what he meant by that.
"You and I both know a pizza oven didn't cause those gashes on your wrists. Just like you and I both know the reason I acted out in that hotel and if you don't then maybe you should do some research. I gotta go, I think it's best if we stay away from one another from here on out."
"Fine by me." I agreed stubbornly.
He turned for the door and left. I stood in the empty classroom feeling alone, just staring at the closed door and wondering why I felt like I had just lost something that I never really had to begin with. He left me feeling confused, he was still mad at me.
