Arcane Guardian ↣ Avenged Sevenfold

23 ☼ somber

March 2008

"I'm fine, really." Noelle said as Brian held an ice pack to the side of her neck. "You just scared me. That's all."

"I hurt you," He repeated to himself for the millionth time. "How... How tightly was I choking you?" 

She gestured for him to give her his forearm. She squeezed it tightly. "Like that." She said quietly. 

"Oh my god." He said, feeling a strain at the back of his throat. "I'm so sorry." He couldn't look her in the eyes. It's not every day you wake up choking your girlfriend to near unconsciousness. As soon as he had realized it was her and not Thellessany, he immediately let go and flew off of her. The terrified look in her eyes definitely wouldn't be leaving his mind any time soon. 

"You've said sorry. A bajillion times. It's really okay." She said. She would typically hug him or make physical contact after saying something like that, but she kept a slight distance. "You didn't hurt me on purpose. What was she doing, Brian?" 

His body physically shook, and he grabbed a section of his hair and tugged it. "She said we all asked to die. She kept prodding me on, making me angry. They didn't ask to die, Ells. They didn't."

"Why does she think that? Or, why's she saying that?" 

He took a deep breath, and she put a hand to his cheek, making him meet her eye. He was just glad to feel her touch. It still always felt warm and comforting. He reached up to hold the hand. "I... We weren't supposed to be on the lake. Dad would've killed us had he known." He laughed half heartedly. "I convinced Mandy, or, Enid, that it'd be fun. And then I died."

"Matt didn't ask to die?" 

"His sister. He tried to save her. To protect her. He knew he would be labeled a sympathizer. Maybe he didn't know he would die, but he sure knew they would hurt him." 

"Jim..." She rubbed her neck, thinking back. 

"He wasn't a coward. He spat the blood and teeth back to her. He told me he wasn't the first to die under their abuse. He knew." 

"And Zack killed himself." She nodded, swallowing, then immediately wincing at the pain. 

Brian jumped slightly, before lightly dragging the back of his hand down her neck. "Ells. We should get you to a doctor." 

"They'll think you abused me. Nuh uh." 

"You go to the doctor if it hurts, you stay home if it's numb. Does it hurt?" 

"I have a headache and it hurts to swallow." 

"Ells."

"No!" She insisted. "I'm fine. if I start coughing or throwing up I'll think about it." She grabbed his hand and nodded in attempts to reassure him.  

He sighed, scooting closer to her. He pushed her hair back behind her ear and looked at her cheek. "You still have the scar." He said studiously at the scar her mother left her. 

"Bitch nicked me good." Noelle laughed lightly.

He pulled her into a tight hug, and felt himself stop shaking in her arms. "I haven't slept a minute these last couple days. And when I do..." He took a deep breath. "You should go home, Ells, I don't want to put you in this situation again."

She pulled back and squeezed his hand. "I'm a phone call away, alright?" 

"I know." He faked a smile for her. 

☼

He went a week without seeing Thellessany, until a studio session.