KPOP LOVE 💜 KNJxReader

Part 32. continued

RECAP!
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"I wanted to tell you more about me and myself."

"Okay." He nodded.

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I took a breath and started talking.

"In high school, I tended to over think things and put pressure and stress on myself. And because of how much pressure I put on myself, the over thinking became stronger and led to anxiety attacks."

He lets go of my hand and instead, wraps his arm around me, kissing my temple for reasurance.

"I'm here. You can keep going."

"Um.. it went on for a while. No one knew. I delt with it alone until one day, I was studying for exams and the over thinking began again. I was home, my parents and brother were out or so I thought. An attack came on and led me to breathe hard and some what cry. Out of no where my brother came into my room and he saw me and comforted me. I didn't even hear him come home. I told him everything. After that, things got better with my brothers help. And um.. yours. Then later Alex's. "

I look up at him and give him an embarrassed smile.

"The songs you guys made around that time, helped me. Listening to the lyrics and the stories and meanings behind the lyrics, helped me a lot. But seeing you guys act like yourselves, cheered me up most. You guys were the ones that helped me smile through a difficult time."

"I'm glad. It's honestly the most I wish for when we release a song or video. I just want help bring goodness into our listeners lives." He says.

"You do. All of you do."

He smiles then thinks about what to say.

"Do you still have a habit of over thinking?"

I sigh. "That's what I wanted to tell you. I had one the other day and what triggered it was thinking about what would happen. I know we both work hard and are known to people, but honestly, if we put our careers against each other, you would win."

I pause.

"Namjoon, all the things I listed to you when you asked me out, are still going around in my mind. I know you said we're in this together but even on paper this still feels crazy."

"I understand. This is honestly the first thing I've done for myself since we debuted. I feel good about this. About us. I have worries too but I can assure you, I promise to protect you." He said.

"What happens when people find out? I know how the media works. My face will be shown more than yours because I'm the one who is with you."

I start to ramble.

"I understand that we can't come out as a couple yet. I understand the risks. I understand we have to keep to ourselves for now. I know there's mutual decisions between that we set."

"Y/n, you're not making sense now. Just relax your mind and arrange your thoughts."

He grabs my hand and traces circles with his thumb between my thumb and pointer finger. I let out breath and continue.

"When we announce everything, what if I'm alone, going about my day and I get in a situation where I'm being attacked or stalked. I can handle the hate comments. I can handle the made up lies. But what I can't handle is being left alone, fighting for us, by myself."

I'm to the point where tears are forming in my eyes. I look at him but don't make eye contact.

He lifts my head so I can see his face. He wipes a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb.

"As long as we are together, you will never be alone. You don't have to worry about fighting alone. I promised we do this together and I'm not going back on that. If you feel uncomfortable going outside by yourself, I will get a bodyguard if you want. I will make time to be with you, even if it's just to the corner store and back."

I laugh at what he says.

"I'm serious. If someone wants to get to you, they will have to go through me."

And with that, I kiss him. He makes all my nerves and stress go away. I feel relieved that I don't feel alone.

We lean our foreheads against each others.

"I understand your worries. I feel the same. I want this to work. I want us to work. I'm more than sure I want you in my life. I'm scared that you'll think that this is too much and leave me. I'm scared that I won't be with you enough because of my job. I'm scared that you'll leave because of hate comments and lies about us. I'm worried that you'll think this is all crazy and leave because we've only known each other a week or two."

I chuckle. "I really do still think this is crazy."

He laughs. "See."

"But I won't leave you because of it. You're not just some idol to me anymore, Namjoon. You are more a part of my life now as you ever were. I'm not just gonna give that up because others lie about our relationship. I know who you are. I know what you feel. I know our path.. I promised not to leave and I won't go back on it." I say confidently.

He rubs his nose sweetly against mine.

"Tell me if you're ever feeling this way. I want you to tell me everything. No lies or secrets between us. It'll makes us stronger."

I lean away from him, remembering how I lied on the plane.

"What?" He said.

"I lied about checking my email on the plane. My phone was going off and I got scared that someone saw us together at the airport but it was just the tweets about the podcast."

He kissed my temple. "It's okay. Your worries took over. I understand why you lied. Thank you for telling me."

"You have to be open with me too. I know how stressful everything can get and I want you to come to me with anything that's on your mind or bothering you so I can help."

"Deal."

We seal our deal with a kiss and continue to talk about different things before we end up falling asleep. Again.

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Tada! Hoped y'all liked it!

I hope the convo wasn't all over the place and it was understandable. Lol

We have a LONG ways to go Army!

Until next time, BORAHAE!!!! 💜💋