Icy? Or hot? ~TodoBaku~

Chapter 36: hands, touching hand

Tw // ok, so....internalised hatred of those with disabilities, self-deprecation, multiple mentions of childhood abuse and trauma, mentions of a car crash, mentions of suicide..

Katsuki Bakugo

My head was hurting. That's about all I could identify right now, the headache. I felt my eyes fluttering open, and was confused about where I was. It was only after a couple of minutes that I fully realised that I was in a hospital room. The events of last night came rushing back, and I remembered the excruciating pain that had been in my arm. It was still aching, but...not at my elbow anymore? I lifted my head up slowly and tried to look at my left arm, wondering why it wasn't sore at the elbow.

And that's when I realised. I didn't have a left arm anymore. At first I was confused, reaching my other arm to pat at the area my arm should be.. but then I panicked. WHERE IS MY ARM? WHAT HAPPENED TO IT? WHAT ABOUT WORK, MY FUTURE, SHO!

SHO...

Where is he? Is he safe? This must be hard for him too...

Whilst I'd been hyperventilating, a nurse had come into the room and found me awake. She came over and said "Mr Bakugo, we will explain everything to you shortly. First I'll get you some food, okay"

I knew she was just doing her job, but it didn't stop the fact that I was unhappy. I managed to gasp out "where....is Sho? GET SHO, I NEED HIM!..."

"They're on the way Mr Bakugo, they won't be long now" she said as she left the room, probably getting food, like she's mentioned. I just stared at my non-existent arm, incessantly whispering"I need him...I-I need him..."

Yeah, you NEED him. But he won't WANT you now!

I know I shouldn't think like that, but I couldn't help it. I mean, I was broken. Nobody as perfect and beautiful as Sho would want a broken boyfriend. Right now....I'm not even sure that I want me either..

Think about it. I wanted to be an artist. No art college is going to take a one-armed kid, right? And the coffee shop? No WAY I keep my job there! My whole life plan was totally fucked, and I've no doubt that I've lost my boyfriend too. He'll take one look at me and want to leave..

The nurse returned shortly after, and it was only then that I realised I was crying. She softly wiped my face with a tissue, which I snatched off her with my hand and screamed "DON'T PITY ME!!!" before my tears flooded out, and I wept into her shoulder. I felt so weak, so helpless, the very things I strived not to be after mum died...

That was my fault too..

I thought back to that day, 15 years ago when I'd screamed at her because the cool new t-shirt she had bought me was too small. I demanded that she go out and get the right size.

The right FUCKING SIZE? Can you believe that?

Some drugged up idiot jumped a red light and crashed into her. The policeman on the phone had told us it was painless, but that wasn't true. It hurt dad. It hurt me. It hurt her friends. It hurt FUCKING EVERYONE! And all because I was so SELFISH to want her to go out.

Dad had said it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have known better, I was only four years old after all. But it didn't matter. I knew that if I hadn't been such a... such a CUNT, then she wouldn't have died!

It was then that the door to the room burst open, and my dad rushed in, embracing me quickly and roughly. I did my best to embrace him back, wrapping my arm around him.

"Hey kiddo..." he said, and I scoffed through my tears at the nickname. He'd always called me that...

"Hey dad...I-I don't have an arm..."