his weakness

twenty seven

N O L A N

My neck aches as I open my eyes, blinking them repeatedly. As my sight adjusts to my whereabouts, I realise that I'd fallen asleep. With Kenzie on top of me. The dull light shining into the living room suggests that I've luckily woken up before anyone else has. Thanks to the difficulty I have sleeping for any more than five hours.

I crack my neck side by side, instantly regretting the fact that I fell asleep in this position. But my body refuses to move as I notice Kenzie peacefully sleeping on-top of me as her face cradles into the side of my neck, breathing peacefully.

What happened last night hits me hard like an avalanche. I exhale deeply, not sure how to feel. Things definitely escalated into something I didn't plan for and now I can't go back. I mean I don't think I would go back because fuck me, it was amazing. I'd do it all over again a million times.

I told myself that I'd be a bitch to her again and I was doing good. Really good. So what the hell made me ruin all of it? I can't go back to being a prick, especially after taking her virginity. I took a part of her and now it's in my hands whether I destroy it or not.

It's Kenzie. I can't imagine doing that to her. Ever. Fuck.

I curse under my breath, growing frustrated with all the thoughts spiralling in my mind. I've thrown myself down this well and now for the first time, I'm clueless to what I can do to get out of it.

Hopefully, she's not like those girls who instantly fall in love after having sex. I can't deal with that and all I'll do is break her heart.

And that's the last thing me and her both need. Awkwardness. Because she's not going anywhere anytime soon. Not until I figure out what prick is after me.

It's alright. When she wakes up, we'll have a very long talk regarding what happened between us. It was easy to go back to normal before because all we did was kiss but this was a whole different level.

Fuck. I shouldn't have had sex with her.

I don't understand though. I held her after we had sex because I know how much it matters to girls to feel safe and comfortable after sharing an intimate moment like that with a male. Something I've never done to another girl. To make it worse, I'm the first man to ever be inside of her. And for some messed up reason, I'm glad.

I feel a tiny bit drawn to her. In a manner I've never felt towards any other girl. Which is why I should've never fucked her because I can't be a bitch to her again.

Kenzie moves around, snuggling closer into me. I freeze, not sure if I should ruin her sleep.

"What time is it?" Her groggily voice calls out, while her eyes are still closed shut.

"We should go into our rooms. Anyone can be down any moment." I inform her causing her to jolt right up and glance around to check out our surroundings.

"Oh my god! We fell asleep here?" She slightly raises her voice in shock, now eyeing the position we're both in.

She jumps off me, and holds her head in her hands. "Shit, we fucked. Oh my god!" She starts hyperventilating as if she was drunk last night. And now I'm starting to get offended.

"Why are you acting like I've ruined your life? Because we fucked?" I raise one eyebrow, waiting patiently for an answer.

"No! No, it's not that. It's just.. shit. We got school. I need to go freshen up!" She quickly brushes off my question, dashing upstairs, disappearing from my sight.