aligning stars

This is what love feels like

The feeling of you in my chest is practically suffocating. Depressing my lungs to the point where deep breaths are merely short gasps that are just as desperate for air as I am for you. Sometimes it feels like you're hiding in my rib cage; just under my heart. Every thump thump, thump thump is a struggle against your everlasting presence, like the most important muscle in my body is no match for the weight of your tired, tired eyes. I wonder if I make you feel the same way. If when you think about me I crawl up your spine (scratching), into your thoughts so I can control them as if they're my own.

I feel like this is love. Maybe love isn't supposed to make you feel free and light. Maybe love is heavy and smothering in a way that can only be described as quicksand trying to fill in all your empty spaces with good intentions, but drowning you slowly.

I don't know what convinced me it was a good idea to fall in love; especially with someone like you. I'm pretty sure it was the same voices that told me your arms looked like a comfortable room to stay in for the night. Everything looks picturesque when I'm thinking of you. You make everything seem perfectly alright, as if this world of ours isn't trying to crush us under its steel toed boots like dying cigarette buds; you make me feel like something matters.

But now I'm so worn down from not breathing, not being able to wrap my mind around exactly what I'm feeling. (I wish I could fold myself into a box, big enough to hold all these feelings. Maybe then I'd understand.) Having my heart broken by you doesn't seem half bad; it might even be tempting, and I've never had much self-control.