bakugo is slowly becoming deaf and he'll need to learn to survive on his own.
"It'll be a piece of cake" he keeps repeating to himself.
Little does he know it will take a big toll on his life as well as a certain couples life.
(depressed bakugo sto...
(tw:// degrading thoughts, suicidal thoughts, mentions of self harm)
I woke up to the strong smell of disinfectant. I hadn't opened my eyes yet. They felt kind of heavy for some reason so I kept them shut and took another sniff. It smelt kind of like a hospital?
That's weird, I was at sensei's house wasn't I? Just as I thought that, I felt an insane burning sensation on both my arms. WHAT THE FUCK? WAIT WAS I CUTTING AGAIN? SHIT I MUST HAVE PASSED OUT. WAIT, FUCK WHY AM I IN A BED?
It took me a second to piece everything together. I passed out, I woke up in a bed, It smelt like a hospital-
I forced my eyes open and shot out of the bed and looked around. Yep, definitely a fucking hospital. I could hear the heart moniter next to me beeping faster than before.
WELL OF FUCKING COURSE IT WAS, THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. THEY FUCKING KNOW NOW, I CANT HIDE IT ANYMORE FUCK FUCK FUCK THEY'RE GOING TO BE DISSAPOINTED IN ME AND LEAVE ME LIKE MY MOM AND DAD. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THEM.
They trusted me to tell them everything when I told them my story and I left this out. they won't like me anymore. They won't trust me. I knew this was going to happen eventually. I bet sensei removed me from the hero course too. I'm too unstable for it anyways and they know it now. They can't having depressed heroes in UA. I'll fail and mess everything up. I fuck up everything.
Izuku and Eijirou have probably been told by now along with the rest of the class. they'll hate me for not telling them. they won't love me anymore. They'll dump me and leave me like everyone else. My class will look down on me and see me as the weak bastard that I am. I deserve to go deaf and live on the streets for the rest of my life. I did this to myself. I dug my own grave now I have to lie in it. I dug my nails into my arms and rocked my body, my heart rate was going up again. I needed to calm down before anyone came in.
after I calmed down a bit, I started to notice my surroundings a bit more. I heard the soft pattering of feet in the hallway, the sound of a few people talking outside, the steady beeping of my heart rate on the machine and other small sounds that I hadn't heard in a long time.
I ran my fingers through my hair and heard the sound of my fingertips on my scalp. how am I able to hear that? unless- Could it be? did they- after all I've done to them? did they really?
I slowly dragged my bandaged sore stinging arm towards my ear and ran my shaking fingers over my new hearing aids. I- I don't understand. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve the kindness they're showing me. They shouldn't waste their time and money on a useless nobody like me. I ordered it, I should have been the one to pay for it, not them. tears trickled down from my red eyes yet again and I dug my nails deeper into my arms.
It's fine. It will all be fine. All I need to do is get rid of myself once and for all. Then they don't need to deal with me ever again. Maybe, just maybe I can finally listen to that voice. just once. all my life its been talking to me, telling me, "you don't belong here" "everyone hates you" "poeple don't love you, it's all pity" "you're a villain" "take a swan dive off of a roof and pray you are quirkless in your next life"
it's right. The voice has always been right. I've just been too dumb to see it. I look around the room and find a book and a pen on the side table. Good, maybe I should write one or two quick notes before I go.
dear Aizawa sensei, I know this is very sudden and you didn't expect this out of me but let's all be real for a moment, you don't want me and I'm just burdening you both by staying here for longer. I'm sorry you had to deal with me for this long and thank you for letting me experience hearing one last time before I leave everyone. It was a pleasure to get to know you and I hope you find someone worthy to take my place at UA.
~Katsuki Bakugo
Ifold the letter and set it on the table. Now I need to write one for Izuku and Eijirou. Heh, I honestly hope they hate me, I'm not backing out of this and if they don't, it's going to hurt them. No, they do hate me. I lied to them and I'm untrustworthy. let's just get this shit over with.
Dear izuku and Eiji, I'm sorry for lying to you and not telling you about my life at home. I know I told you izuku about my mom but it was much worse than I let on. I let my mental health spiral and I honestly wish I didn't but I can't change it now. Remember the promise we made under the stars when we were kids? I'm sorry, I can't keep my promise. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. But you Izuku, are the most amazing boy I know. You're so strong and kindhearted and care so much. Become the number one hero for the both of us and help all those misunderstood kids. Make me proud okay? And Eijirou? I'm so sorry for not telling you about my past. I know you've made so many failed efforts to get me to open up. I'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry for lying to you and saying that I'm fine. I'm sorry for being such a shit boyfriend and I'm sorry for leaving you and Izuku. I know you and Zuku probably hate me now but take care of him for me okay? I will always love you both so much, be strong for me.
~love, Katsuki
I placed the letter next to sensei's letter, carefully hoisted myself up and walked barefoot across the cold floor towards the door. My shoes should be outside the room. I quietly pushed the door open, slipped on my shoes and checked the time on the wall clock outside the hospital room. It's 3am. Great, everyone's asleep, no one will stop me.
Okay now all I need to do is get to the terrace. Shouldn't be too hard right? .
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(A small sum up of how the letter looked in a picture with his handwriting) (all credits to this picture go to me) . (1158 words) .
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Thank you for reading!! I love my angst so sorry not sorry😌👍🏻 stay tuned for what happens next <3
