Forced Love

Chapter 17

*Marks POV* 

'What did I do? What did I just do?'

The question kept on going on and on in my head as I sit on my bed with my head in my hands.

'That was the woman I love, the woman I swore to protect forever... and instead.... 

I hurt her. 

My forehead is laden with sweat as I sit there, reliving in my head what had happened a while ago. But this time, hating myself for it. Wishing to go back and pull myself back and knock some sense into my own self. 

How could I have ever do that to my Rose? 

I sit there for a long time. It was already beginning to be light outside but I just couldn't get myself to sleep or even to lay down. I couldn't stop thinking of Rose. 'I need to check on her.' I think to myself. 'I cannot just abandon her like that, I need to go see her right now.' I convince myself as I get off my bed, still wearing the pants from earlier today and my unbuttoned shirt hanging loosely from my shoulders. 

Walking out of my room to hers, each of my step were the heaviest steps I had ever taken. I didn't want to see what I knew would be behind that door. Despite that, I finally reach her door and with a loud sigh and gaining plenty of courage, I finally open the door. 

The room was still kind of dark but the break of dawn poured enough light into the room through the windows to see clearly. 

I see her laying there still. The same way on her right side and the same place as I had left her. The blanket had managed to cover most of body but her lower legs were still uncovered. 

I just stay by the door, staring at her. I couldn't bring it in me to go up to where she was. I did not even think I was even worthy enough to be looking at her, at that moment. 

A couple of minutes pass by before I finally move towards the bed. For some reasons my breaths were heavy and my body was tense, as if, it knew it will be faced with something difficult. Something tragic. Something heartbreaking. 

My mouth got drier and drier as I approached her and that's when I see it . A stain. A red stain next to Rose's delicate body. I knew exactly what it was.

Blood. 

It was blood from when I had force myself on her. Forced myself on her and taken her for the first  time. It had formed a red stain next to her on the sheets. 

'How did I not fucking realise that she was a virgin? Why did I not stop? Why the fuck did I let myself hurt her this way and commit such a heinous act? She cried and begged me to stop and I fucking didn't. I put her through all of that pain.' I felt angry at myself, I felt like an animal. For all these years, I felt like I'm a true gentleman but tonight just broke all my ego. I'm not half the man I thought I was because men don't do to women what I had done. 

I let my eyes wander over to Rose, her chest rising and falling with each breath she took. I see the wedding dress that I had so lovingly chosen for her, the dress she looked like a goddess in was now messily around her hips and the fabric laid on the bed under her. The sleek, cream satin dress was now wrinkled and specked with small red marks all across its trail. Those red marks might have even continued on her smooth, white legs but I turn my eyes away before I could make sure if they were really there. 

It broke my fucking heart to see that. I felt like I should smash my head against the wall because that's what I deserve. I felt my body get heavier as I continue to stand there, looking at the woman of my dreams, laying there like that. And I was the one to be blamed for it. Only me.