Locked Away

XX

I twiddled with my fingers as I stared at the outside of my house, my heartbeat was thudding in my ears. The breeze whistled through the trees and  sent a chill up my spine, autumn was coming and I was ready for it. I was tired of the sun, the heat makes my emotions intensify and I stress easier when it's hot. I bit the inside of my lip looking at the front door, I could feel my stomach churn as the door opened. 

It was like a wave of happiness, it crashed against my soul and I felt like I could fly. A smile plastered against my face seeing two little laughing angels running my way. I knelt down and embraced Jackson and Paisley my arms, inhaling the scent of shampoo from their damp hair. I squeezed them slightly before pulling away and looking at their sparkling eyes.

"We missed you, mommy." Jackson said waving his hand between himself and his sister. 

"I am so happy to be home," I sighed and kissed their foreheads. I gave Jenna a slight smile as she waved her hand at me before making her way out the door and to her car. 

"Are you okay?" I looked down at Paisley, she had a concerned look on her face and I could see she was searching my brain. I tensed up, but quickly put on a good face for her.

"I'm okay babe," I smiled at her and nodded my head. Her curls bounced in the wind as she scurried inside, I cleared my throat and followed close behind. I tossed my bag on the kitchen island before making my way to my room. I needed to shower, I feel dirty and I am so nervous. 

I started the water to my shower and took my necklace off before placing it back in my closet. I grabbed a pair of joggers and an old black t-shirt that James doesn't wear anymore, when I turned around I nearly jumped out of my skin and clutched the clothes tightly that my hands were shaking. 

"Mom?" Paisley's voice trailed, she fiddled with her hands and bit her lip, "Is daddy coming home, too?"

I took a deep breath and sat on my knees in front of her, I was thinking of what I wanted to say...I mean I can't necessarily tell a five year old that her father is possibly going to come home and avoid me like the plague OR try to keep me away from them, either option is a possibility. 

"Daddy is..." I paused for a second searched carefully for the right words. I pushed her curls out of her face, "Daddy is in a hard situation right now..so I really don't know Paisley." I gave her a weak smile, I know it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear but it's the best I could give. I have never known someone who is obsessed with another human as much as she is with James. Well - I take that back because Harlow is pretty obsessed with Clint. 

"Is he okay?" She asked me while reaching and grabbing a fist full of the shirt that was still in my arms. My heart soared at the love this child has for him, I pulled her play shirt off over her head and into James' shirt which was like a nightgown on her. 

"He is just fine babe," I kissed her forehead and smiled at her. Other than maybe a raging headache from getting kicked in the face, I'm sure he's just fine. I turned her shoulders around and nudged her out the door so she could go play while I showered. 

I felt so much better once I was finished with my shower. I didn't feel as stressed or dirty, or even guilty for what had been happening these last few days. I looked at my bruised wrist and sighed...I needed help with control again. When Paisley startled me my very first reaction was to zap whoever was standing there and that shouldn't even be an option for me. 

I walked down the stairs and into my magic room. To my surprise Lena was already in there shuffling supplies around and setting things on the table before looking up at me and gave me a warm smile. My stomach started to churn, I was nervous about Lena helping me in case something went wrong.