Locked Away

XXIX

I sat at the table with the screen displayed above it, watching James sit in a glass container. They had finally let him out of the chair, but in doing so they moved him into a bigger and more protected holding cell. Clint had been down there for a while talking with him, I didn't have the audio on so all I can see is James' facial expressions. He was empty looking, but sometimes would have a snide smile or an angry look on his face. He would yell at Clint here or there, and Clint kept his composure.

The rain was loud agains the roof of the compound, thunder rolled in the distance. Paisley shifted in my lap holding onto a plush blanket James had gotten her a few years ago, her dark hair was soft under my chin. She had come here every day with me and together we will watch James on the security footage for hours, she doesn't leave me. Honestly, I am thankful she is here with me, preventing me from spiraling. She is comforting.

Watching him like this again makes me feel so many emotions, I feel lost. I was sad and angry, and this feels worse than it did the first time. My heart was broken and I can't wrap my head around it, this was my worst nightmare. I wrapped Paisley's blanket around her shoulder and pulled her close to me, a tear escaped my eye as I inhaled the scent of her.

I heard the door open and the footage switched off, I turned my attention to the door and saw Loki standing there. He was alone, and he stayed quiet. It looked like he was wanting to say something, but was holding himself back.

"Turn it back on," Paisley sat up straight looking at me. Her eyes were red and irritated from crying, she's been begging me to take her down and see him but I haven't thought it to be the best idea.

"Sorry babe," I spoke softly and tapped the table in front of us, within seconds the holographic screen was in front of us again.

"I'm worried about her Lena," I heard Harlow speak from behind Loki who turned to the side. Harlow was eating a donut out of the box that she held in her other hand, her shoulder supporting her phone against her head. "Just come up here please....thank you."

She set the box down and slid her phone in the pocket of her tight grey sweats before opening the box and pulling out a plain glazed donut and cutting it in half. She smiled at Paisley and slid it in front of her, "I brought you a snack."

Paisley smiled back at her and picked up one of the halves before taking a bite, "Thank you Auntie Low." She spoke sweetly while her mouth was full. She leaned her head back on my chest and watched James' every move. I kissed her head through her curls and rested my cheek on her.

"Have you eaten today Em?" Harlow asked sitting across from me. She gave me a weak smile and rubbed her arms. She was worried about me.

"I'm not hungry," I cleared my throat, tearing my eyes from the screen and looking at her.

"Em-" She started to sigh.

"Harlow," I cut her off rather sharply, "Please just...don't." I relaxed my tone a little on the second half of my sentence, I didn't mean to cut her off harshly.

"I think you should talk to him," Loki spoke up, he shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "We can't get anywhere with him."

I bit the inside of my cheek and remained still. Everything in me wanted to see him, I missed him. But I don't know how to react to him like this again...after building a life with him. I thought it wouldn't hurt as much if this ever happened. But it is incredibly painful, everything I did to get him out was washed away. Gone...in the blink of an eye. We had kids, made a family, so many memories together now and I have to pretend to be okay with the fact that he doesn't care.