Funny Disappearing Act! (Wander Over Yonder)

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A/N: so i did a oneshot a long ass time ago of an au that was a woy au, it was by nakklepiggy on tumblr and it's the brainwashed wander au. basically wander gets brainwashed by doctor screwball jones. and i promise you my writing is not this bad in the actual rewrite, im just too lazy to write properly in authors notes lol

anyways enjoy this rewrite of that oneshot, strayed really far from its original path but still the same au.

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(TW: kidnapping, violence, gassing, brainwashing, and probably more i'm forgetting)

Wander had disappeared about a year and a half ago. Last Sylvia knew was Wander muttering about Doctor Screwball Jones and how he was such a terrible person, next morning all that was left of him was his hat. She kept it hooked to her saddle, in hopes that one day she'd find him and he could ride on her back once more for their silly adventures.

The Doctor was still an active villain, apparently gaining more action over the time, probably because Wander went missing. Wander was the only person who took Screwball seriously, would combat him without hesitation and treated him like the worst villain in the galaxy, which he was.

His numbers of conquests were growing to a concerning level, to the point other villains started to acknowledge him. Hater especially, he had grown concerned over the fact that Wander disappeared, he thought he would've loved Wander being out of his skull but it was concerning him that he just suddenly gone and now another villain is on the rise.

Hater studied the new villains conquer patterns, he wanted to take him down and prove himself to be at least still #1 in the galaxy. It was a medium sized planet, mostly known for the shopping district there, the food was decent and only was really good if you craved it. The citizens really just minded their own business, they were busy people so why pay attention to off planet tourists?

Well today they would pay attention to the off planet tourists as they consisted of Doctor Screwball Jones, Lord Hater, and Sylvia. Screwball had plans to take over the shopping district and turn it into an all jokes alleyway, Hater wanted to prove his worth as a villain, and Sylvia was just looking for a day off.

Hater landed before the Doctor, being discreet about it as he wanted to take the banana by surprise, no one really paid any mind to Hater because he wasn't conquering so he was probably just looking around, right?

It took about an hour before Screwball landed, his entrance dramatic with a loud announcement to the crowds, "Citizens of Boresplan! I officially promote you to drumroll please," A drumroll echoed loudly through the speakers, "My gag assistants!"

The citizens didn't take him seriously, just another wannabe villain claiming to hold power over them. Until he did.

A toxin released from his ship, primarily red but you could see a rainbow mist in it. Sylvia and Hater were quick to not breathe it in as citizens who did breathe it began to laugh maniacally and uncontrollably, wheezing and hacking out their lungs. Sobbing from the mist in their eyes and the insane joy infecting their minds. It was horrifying.

Jones called back to someone, a small figure emerged from the ship, undetectable in the mist, slipping through the crowd and putting something on every disabled citizen. A red bowtie with polka dots. The figure had enough for every citizen and only had two left, for Sylvia and Hater, but had noticed they were still mobile.

The figure goes back to Screwball, whispering that there were still people who were up and moving. "Alright you resistance! I just took over! No disobeying already!"

Hater took this as his chance to try and attack, sending a message to Peepers to get the Watchdogs ready and sent out as he pointed a laser finger at the Doctor, he had a clear and perfect shot with no one to interfere. Until someone did. The same small figure rushed at him.

A crack was heard as the figure swung a cartoonishly large hammer at him, breaking Hater's hand, the bones cracked and unable to be used now. The mist cleared out, giving a clear view of the furry orange immortal, an insane grin plastered on his cheeks, and wearing the same bowtie as the citizens.

Time felt as if it slowed. Syliva and Hater both witnessed the man who claimed to be nothing but friendly and peaceful break a person's hand, especially a person he loved so much that he wouldn't ever begin to consider hurting him in the slightest. Both spoke, voices quiet, in shock. "Wander?"

The immortal sprang himself off of Hater's chest and flips backwards onto his feet perfectly. "Do you guys like my assistant? He started last year!" He cackled, their expressions of terror amusing to him.

Wander remained quiet, eyes unfocused, the grin growing impossibly wider from the Doctor's laughter. He gripped the hammer and jumped again, swinging for Hater's head, the action was enough to snap Hater out of his trance of shock and he moved quickly, retreating backwards and closer to his ship, frantically trying to call his commander out for protection, but no one came to help him.

Sylvia sprints into action, instinct overtaking as she grabs Wander's legs, pulling him into her arms, a mistake as he slammed his head into her jaw and took out a bomb-like device, pulling the pin and releasing the gas inside.

The gas was the same as the one from the ship, Sylvia covers her mouth quickly by Hater was an unfortunate story, inhaling the gas from his hyperventilating, the shock of reality crashing into him like a yacht. He started to sob, laughing through his tears, wheezing and coughing like the citizens before.

Wander approached slowly and pulled out the 2 colored bow, pressing it gently against his throat. Hater's noises ceased, silence filling the air between Sylvia and Wander.

Her once joyful friend turns to her, the grin still sharp as ever, eyes glazed over with tears before a blink away and it was gone. He pulled his lips up, giving Sylvia a big toothy smile, "Join the fun!"

The orange immortal sprung quickly into action, hammer gripped tightly, he knew that his ex-friend wouldn't go down without a fight. Which she didn't. The zabornak was quick to use her tail as a spring to support herself, launching her legs towards her friend, kicking his torso.

The wind was knocked out of him, he landed on the roof of a building and coughed, but his smile refused to fall. He sprang again, this time to the side to circle her quickly, confuse her, make her unable to pinpoint his next move. It was successful as she got dizzy trying to follow his blurry figure. He pounced from the side and slammed the hammer hard into her ribs.

Sylvia went down quickly, sliding into the ground on her side. She had lost. Her friend approaches and kneels next to her, giving her something in her hand. A small pin.

Everything went blurry as mist covered her vision and destroyed her lungs, a soft tie placed gently onto her neck.

Rainbows and swirls overtook her vision, Wander stood above her, his figure twisting like a fun house mirror and his color palette more full of life than the pride flag itself. She felt an eerie grin crawl on her face as darkness consumed her consciousness. The last thing she heard was her sweet Wander.

"I'm so glad you decided to join the fun Syl."

.

.

.

He remembered her.

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A/N: and thats it, no happy ending for this story lol

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