tidal (Levi x Reader)

76. gladiolus

"I'm sure you've heard about the Duchess holding parties?" Kuchel looked over at me.

recently i've been hearing a lot about it

"The couple also attended events quite frequently but slowed down once Levi was born, when he got older they began going out again- that's when it happened." Her grip on the folds of her dress tightened as she spoke, "I wasn't with them, I was overseeing Levi's studies."

you've dedicated a lot of your life to this place

"No one is quite sure exactly what happened but we do know that their carriage was attacked coming back home," she paused, letting out a long sigh, "they were found five days later in an abandoned building, they had only died a couple hours before we found them. The culprits were found and punished soon after."

that's gruesome

"It was my inefficiency that killed them," she muttered gravely, "I knew that something had gone wrong when they didn't arrive on schedule but I assumed that they had taken a detour somewhere and didn't notify anyone of the issue."

don't do that-

"Kuchel it wasn't your fault-"

"That's-" she stopped herself, frowning slightly, "that's not why I told you about what happened, I do blame myself but I've made my own peace with what happened. Raising Levi has helped to ease the guilt in some ways, although I'm not arrogant enough to claim that I've done a good job."

i'd disagree- you've been nothing but amazing

"I think I understand it," I reached out and grabbed her hand, holding it in my lap. "Thank you for reacting so fast when it came to me, I really do appreciate it." Kuchel nodded and squeezed my hand back.

"I bet you have more questions about what happened," Kuchel glanced over at me.

right- i'm curious about levi

"You said that Levi was only 12 when it happened right? How did he-" I trailed off.

this is probably something i should ask him-

"He was forced to mature quickly- too quickly," she sighed, regret lacing her tone, "he avoids talking about it but there's a lot that he missed out on, a lot that changed."

i don't even know how i would start to ask him

do you think he would be upset?

that i learned about it like this-

"I'll wait to hear the rest from him directly," I murmured, letting the weight of our conversation sink in.

"Ok," Kuchel paused, shooting me a quick look of concern, "I hope you don't regret becoming the Duchess, I know we haven't been able to do the most for you but you've done so much for the Duchy- and for Levi."

I HAVE NOT

AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH YOU'VE DONE FOR ME

YOU'RE AN ANGEL

"Kuchel-"

"I mean it," she stood up, preventing me from debating her any further, "that boy is finally getting some rest."

IM SERIOUS WHEN I SAY I THINK YOU'RE LYING ABOUT THAT PART

HE IS LITERALLY ALWAYS FALLING ASLEEP AROUND ME

ARE YOU SURE HE DOESN'T SLEEP ???

"I'll instruct some of the maids to properly set up Levi's room if you feel like going back there tonight," she shot me a smile and left the room, the door clicking behind her.

I was left alone in the room with a few cups of cooling tea and my thoughts for company.

i don't think i've done anything-

at least not anything compared to what everyone has done for me

i mean levi married me and pulled me away from whatever awful future i was going to have

without any guarantee that i was going to be able to do anything in return

kuchel, petra, farlan and hanji-

none of them have to care about me like they do

i wouldn't even expect them to

"There's no use thinking about 'what ifs'," I muttered to myself- standing up to head back to my room.

HOLD ON Y/N

.

i am still wearing my pajamas-

EVERYONE SAW ME IN MY PAJAMAS

THE HORROR

MY ANKLES ARE SHOWING

YOU'RE SO VILE

GO GET DRESSED PROPERLY

OK MOM IM GOING

The next week passed at an excruciatingly slow pace- while Kuchel's story helped to shed light and an explanation as to what had happened to the previous Ducal couple it did nothing to assuage my growing anxiety over the lack of response from Levi.

i know my letter was bad but-

he would've responded right?

he doesn't seem like the type to write some long-winded response- i don't think that's what's taking time

Still- no news had returned suggesting that something had gone wrong, and Levi had left with several knights, there was no reason to be worried about his safety.

nothing is even worse than bad news

this way my mind is allowed to wander-

it's just worrying

"Y/N!" Farlan came into the office holding a bundle of mail under his arm.

FARLAN !

"GOOD NEWS?"

"You've got a letter," he set the stack down on his desk, searching through it for a few minutes before pulling out a heavily decorated letter.

oh well, that explains it-

it took that long because he started getting really into bullet journaling and making collages of his favorite singers <3

makes sense-

"This seal-" Farlan trailed off, holding the letter in front of him, frowning.

huh ?

"Did he use a nice color for the wax?"

"No it's-" his frown deepened further, "it isn't Levi's."

oh uh-

"Someone else who was with him? Maybe he misplaced it?"

that- doesn't seem like something he would do

"No, it's not from anyone who was with him," Farlan handed me the letter, "it's the first prince."

The seal, a key wreathed by waves pressed into golden wax, stared back at me.

_______________________

IK IM THE ONE WHO MADE HIM GO AWAY BUT I MISS LEVI

- ami