Road trip

16 - Texas

"Do you think you'll call her?" I asked as we climbed in the truck to leave.

"Why would I? I mean we are moving hours away from here, it would be kind of pointless to have a girlfriend I never see." He shrugged, starting the truck and typing in the new location into the GPS.

"Fair point." I sighed.

"What do you want to listen too? I mean we are still pretty far south so we probably only have country to chose from." He said as we travelled back up the long road surrounded by ocean to New Orleans.

"Country is fine." I smiled as he picked a station and the calming melody of Garth Brooks played over the speaker.

We were about three hours in when we had to stop for gas, and I had to use the bathroom. On the way out of the restroom I grabbed some snacks, drinks, and chocolate, paid the cashier and climbed back in the truck.

I handed Austin the Gummy bears, knowing they were his favorite as I pulled out the white chocolate truffles I had gotten for myself.

"Thanks, you're the best A" he smiled throwing a handful of bears into his mouth.

"No problem."

We car karaoke sang for the next few hours, stopping to take a picture at the state line before continuing our truck through Texas to Austin. 

It was pretty, seeing the different landscapes, the farm lands that disappeared into the Houston skyline, back to farm lands. I had never felt more grounded than I did when I was surrounded by nothing.

"Do you mind if we stop and stretch our legs for a minute?" He asked as we approached Brenham.

"No let's walk for a minute. I know we still have a little while till we get there."

We got out and grabbed some ice cream at a small shop in Brenham, then sat outside on the little chairs to eat. The heat was dry here and sweltering but nothing the ice cream wasn't balancing out.

Once done we headed back to the car. As we approached the truck, his hand wrapped up in mine again as we walked.

"Can I ask you something?" He said, not stopping as we walked.

"Sure?" I swing our hands forward as if we were kids.

"What made you decide we should do this trip? I mean I get the whole Molly wanted to visit these places, but why did you want to visit them?" He stopped as we got to the truck and I turned to face him.

"I..." I paused, thinking for a moment about the reasons I really did want to come on this trip. "I think it's because I never really found my closure." I began but was cut off when some guy in a lifted F150 began honking, clearly wanting the street parking we had taken.

I rolled my eyes when he honked again and sensing Austins frustration I simply squeezed his hand.

"Come on, let's get to your city." I teased.

He shook his head and after taking an annoyingly excruciatingly long time to pull out of the parking space, mostly to irritate the guy waiting, we were on our way to Austin, which now wasn't that far away.

In a couple of hours we would be at the hotel, just in time for bed before a busy day tomorrow. We had the day planned, starting with the aquarium and ending with a trip up to Mt Bonnell after dinner.

We were both exhausted by the time we reached the Sheraton Austin Hotel at the Capitol. We carried our bags and checked in, taking the elevator to the top floor of the guest rooms.

I collapsed on the bed as soon as we made it into the room, Austin following shortly after me on the large king sized bed.

"So you never did finish what you were saying earlier." He sighed turning his head to look at me and taking my hand is his.

I took a deep breath and tried to blink back the hot tears that were filling my eyes. We had talked more about molly on this trip than we had in a year and the more we did the more it sank in that she was never coming back.

I looked over at him and noticed when his eyebrows furrowed. " I don't feel like I ever got closure when she left. I mean we said goodbye and obviously I knew she was gone, but I never really found that peace that people talk about when they start moving on." I blinked trying not to let the water drip from my eyes. "I mean we don't really talk about her, well except for recently... I just." I wiped a traitorous tear from my cheek, "I figured if I visited all the places she wanted to go I would get that closure. Like my own personal goodbye to her."

"I think, no I know, Molly is proud of you Anna. All she ever wanted was for you to be happy." He almost whispered wiping my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm just tired," I sniffled as the tears continued to betray me and I just gave up fighting. "I'm tired of missing her, of feeling like I could have done something to help her, I'm tired of wanting something and not being able to have it because I promised I wouldn't." I was rambling and unlike most, Austin was still paying attention.

"What do you mean by that?" He questioned.

Maybe it was the emotions, his reassurance, or the fact that I was tired of carrying this burden on my shoulders when I had no idea what to do.

"You, Austin. I mean you." I got up off the bed and began pacing. "She made me promise."  I kept repeating it over and over.

"Promise what Anna? I don't understand." He moved towards me.

"She made me promise to take care of you." I screamed.

"Okay? I still don't understand?"

"That's why we can't be more than best friends. If something happened between us and I couldn't take care of you, if I couldn't keep my promise.. I.. I" I began gasping for breath and I was sure I was hyperventilating.

"Anna, calm down." He pulled me into his chest "who says anything would go wrong? And second I think it's worth a shot. If it doesn't work we stay friends. We've done okay since we kissed." He attempted a joke.

I shook my head in his arms and just let him hold me. Slowly we moved towards the bed and sat down on it. I leaned against him and let my eyes flutter.

"We can figure it out tomorrow, but nothing would ever stop me being in your life Anna." He whispered to himself as I drifted off.