Road trip

18- california

Sleeping in different beds was going to take some getting used to. I mean I had enjoyed the privacy since we got to his aunts house, but still, the first night here I tossed and turned until I was exhausted of tossing and turning.

As much as I tried to remind myself that this was what I wanted - friends, I knew the reality was that I wanted more.

I spent the first day we were in California catching up on laundry while Austin hung out with his cousins. They were cool, a couple years older than us, but definitely happy to see him after so long, and in total honesty I was happy he got to spend time with them.

The house was settled in the expensive Beverly Hills district and I envied every single part of the house. The views, the polished interior, the pool with glass sides. It was all something out of a magazine and never had I thought I would ever experience it for myself.

I had crept out onto the patio when I couldn't sleep the first night and just stared at the city lights below. We had three things to do while we were here. Hike the Hollywood sign, see the walk of fame and drive up to San Francisco so I could see the Golden Gate Bridge.

According to Oliver and Tyler, Austin's cousins, we could do that Wednesday and Thursday and have another day in tomorrow and over the weekend.

I agreed, and yet when we actually did all those things I had never felt more out of place. His cousins came along with us, which was fine, but as the days dragged on and I was still struggling to sleep, I had never felt so far apart from Austin.

It didn't help that we hadn't spent any time alone since we arrived, which meant that we also hadn't really talked about what happened in Texas.

"Hey, you okay A?" He asked when we sat at the table for dinner with his aunt Jenna and uncle Paul.

"Yeah, just didn't sleep much." I smiled weakly as I picked at the carbonara pasta on my plate.

"You sure?" He pestered me again as I dropped my fork on the plate causing everyone to look over at me.

Austin's Aunt looked at me with a knowing stare and even though I hadn't talked to her much, it felt like she could see what was wrong without me explaining it.

"Austin, why don't you guys all go eat in the living room. I think there's a baseball game on. Me and Anna are going to take ours outside for some girl time." Jenna interrupted standing up and shooting a smile across the table.

She didn't give him the chance to protest and instead began walking outside as I grabbed my plate and followed her.

"So what's wrong?" She asked as she closed the door and sat down at the picnic table with me.

It was times like this I wished I had more girl friends, someone I could call when I had guy problems instead of only having that very guys Aunt as my only vice.

"I'm just being stupid. I'm glad we are here and that you let us stay, but I just, well we haven't spent any time alone since we got here." I explained as the words became more acidic the more selfish they sounded. "He kissed me, in Texas. He kissed me snd then we came here and he's basically ignored me since we got here. I mean I know he missed you guys, but he pushed for more, I'm just confused and I don't understand it. To top it all off I can't sleep because he's not there holding me, which is making me cranky, and .."

"Anna, I'm telling you this because I like to think I have some experience when it comes to guys. Sometimes you have to spell it out for them. That being said, if it's something small you also need to learn when to pick a fight. I honestly don't think he realizes that he's been ignoring you." She began eating and I followed her cue.

"I know, I just... I wanted to stay friends to avoid all of this. Now he's all I think about and I just don't know what to do."

We ate for a while before she finished her food and picked up her plate. "Anna. Do what makes you happy. Austin isn't the guy that makes his way around the girls, I genuinely think he just got caught up with Tyler and Oliver and wants all of you together while you're here."

As the words absorbed the guilt surfaced. She was right and I was acting crazy. His cousins had taken us everywhere we wanted to go, hiked the crazy trail up the Hollywood mountain, drove the long ass drive to San Francisco, all so they could spend time with their cousin while doing what I wanted.

"You're right, I'm just cranky." I sighed stabbing some more pasta before depositing it into my mouth.

"Oh and Anna?"

"Yeah?"

"We gave you your own room so you had space for yourself, you don't have to stay there if you don't want to. I mean you both got this far sharing a room so it hardly makes a difference at this point." She laughed lightly before disappearing back into the house.

I probably should have gotten up and followed her inside, but instead I sat by myself and finished my food. I could hear the boys all laughing inside the house and when one of the lights turned on upstairs I figured Jenna had disappeared for bed. 

When I was done I quietly slipped into the house and loaded my dishes into the dishwasher before retreating back to my bedroom. I changed into a night shirt and slipped under the blankets facing the window.

This was not how I had envisioned California and I had no one to blame but myself. I should be happy that he is spending time with his family and enjoying it. I should be enjoying being here too, playing video games with his cousins who obviously missed him.

Instead I was pouting in bed like a toddler.

It wasn't until I heard the TV click off and the sound of someone entering my room that I convinced myself to let it all go.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear as he climbed into the Queen sized bed behind me.

His arms wrapped over my waist as I turned slowly to face him.

"Austin I ..." I began as his breath hit my face and before I knew it, his head was shaking, his fingers had gripped onto my waist and his lips were on mine.

Kissing him was something I would never get used too.