Road trip

13- florida

Honestly I don't remember much from the trip down here. It was a six hour drive and I think after the first hour or so I dozed off. I remember him waking me up briefly when we hit Florida to see if I needed anything from the store but that was it.

By the time I woke up we were in a condo or rental house of some kind. Austin was  sprawled out beside me on a giant kind sized bed that had a direct look of the ocean, and as I admired his sleeping features I couldn't help but feel guilty that he had driven us all the way here on only an hour or so of sleep.

Carefully I climbed out of the bed. It was already daylight outside and the blinds were letting small lines of sunshine through them as I quietly looked around the room for my luggage.

I walked out of the bedroom after closing the blackout curtains and made my way to the living room where our suitcases sat in the middle of the room.

Carefully I opened mine and took out my bathing suit and a towel as well as a beach throw to cover myself with. Once I was dressed and satisfied with how I looked I grabbed a soda from the fridge, which surprisingly was stocked enough for a couple days, and padded out the front sliding door onto the beach.

I walked towards the water, the sound of the waves crashing and swaying across the shore soothing me as the fine sand glided effortlessly between my toes. When I felt close enough I set my towel down, throwing my phone onto it and setting down my drink as I walked towards the water.

It wasn't busy and I assumed that this was probably a private beach, as unnecessary as that was for a couple of days. Still it was nice to be out here at ten in the morning and not be surrounded by people.

Closing my eyes I stepped into the crystal blue and teal water letting the warmth of the water surround my feet. It was easy to get lost in my thoughts here, and right now I couldn't deny that I was severely conflicted about a lot of things.

"Tell me what to do Mols? I can't help but feel like I'm letting you down in some way. I know you said to take care of him and I'm trying it's just..." I stopped short, afraid of what I was about to say, still I knew I needed to be honest even if she came back to haunt me later. "I like him Mols, I really like him. I don't know it's just all so messy. This whole trip is for you, but the further we get from home, the more I realize that as long as he's with me I'm happy."

I opened my eyes and scanned the horizon, watching as the ocean seemed to drop off some unknown cliff past the boats and surfers.

"Maybe it's crazy to even be considering any of this. I mean I meant what I told him. If we tried this and I lost him too, I just... well I couldn't survive it."

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath as I stepped back and sat down on the towel I had laid out away from the water.

I knew she wouldn't respond, she was gone and no matter how much I needed her to tell me it was okay, she never would. I was back to square one, well two.... Square one would have been before I ever acted on anything, but now I knew what his kiss felt like, how his tongue massages mine when he groans, the heat that builds in me when he touches me and holds me close.

Yup, definitely step two.

"Whatcha doing?" He startled me as I clutched my chest. "Shit sorry, didn't mean to scare you A."

"It's fine, I was just watching the ocean." I smiled without turning around.

I felt him settle beside me as his shoulder brushed mine, and as soon as I saw his abs from my peripheral vision I knew I was going to be in trouble. I mean sure I had seen them before, but now it's as if the sight of them reminds me that I want things that I can't have.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" He asked as he cracked open a can of Dr Pepper.

"You looked like you needed the sleep. I mean you drove us all the way here and got me inside without waking me up. I figured I could let you sleep a little while longer." I smiled as I brought my coke to my lips and sipped on it.

After a few more moments of silence I noticed the side of his mouth quirk up. "Did you get in the ocean yet?" He asked.

"I put my feet in but I didn't ..." I began as he jumped up and threw me over his shoulder running towards the ocean.

Why must I not remember that he loves to play jokes on me.

"Austin stop!" I screamed as he got closer. I was not going to get dropped in the ocean like a eight year old that trusted their uncle too much. I had to think on my toes, which conveniently were hanging in the air as I clutched into Austin's waist so I didn't fall from his shoulders.

When I noticed his feet were in the water I acted on impulse and lifted my head up to the back of his neck. There was one way I knew would stop him and all I could do was pray that Molly wouldn't kill me in my sleep like in one of the exorcism movies.

"Austin..." I half yelled before I pressed my lips against the back of his shoulders between his neck. I felt him stop moving as I moved my head to the side getting that sweet spot in the juncture of his neck and clavicle area.

His arms tightened around me as he slowly pulled me back over his shoulder until I was standing in front of him. His eyes were glassy and I knew that I had just opened a can of worms we had already agreed to keep closed.

I should have just taken the ocean dunk.

"You can't do that to me A." He looked at me with sincere vulnerability in his eyes. "I was okay with it the first time because I knew I needed to see if it was real, if you thought about more like I did , but please, don't use it as a weakness against me."

I mentally slapped myself for that when I realized what he was actually saying beneath the words.

"Austin I ...."

His hands came down to entwine our fingers as I continued to look up at him as the waves crashed around our feet.

"Don't apologize Anna. It took me a long time to accept that Molly wasn't coming back, that I needed to move on for me, and for her. She didn't want me to sit around for the rest of my life and a part of me will always love her and who she was, but that doesn't mean that I can't love someone else, or be with someone else." He explained as a tear slipped from his eye and I instinctively reached up to catch it.

"But you never dated?" I almost whispered.

"Because the only person I wanted to date was my best friend and you didn't seem to share the feeling." He shook his head.

"Austin, I just... I don't want to let her down." I admitted.

"Anna she's gone, the only way your going to let her down, is if you stop living and doing what makes you happy just because she's gone."

Now it was my turn for a tear to slip but this time when I looked up at him I knew that he was right. Yet, somehow I still knew deep down this would end badly, but as I shot Austin a smile and pulled him back to grab our things and walk back to the house, only one thing was on my mind.

Him.