Road trip

26- Shes gone

"Austin I ..."

He didn't need me to explain that I was asking what this was? Or why he was carrying it with him.

"Just read it Anna. Molly gave this to me before the party the day she died. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I think we both knew that eventually I would be left behind. I keep it with me to remind myself that she needed me to be happy, that she wanted me to move on after her." He explained shakily and I knew it was always hard for him to talk about her, especially their relationship.

I glanced down at the paper and when his hand began caressing my thigh I finally talked myself into reading the words on the page.

"Austin,

I'm writing this note to tell you how much you mean to me. We both know that I don't have a lot of time left, but if I did I would spend it loving you every single day in the way that you have loved me. I am so grateful for you and for Anna and without you guys I don't think I would have had the strength to make it this far.

Maybe it's selfish but I had an ulterior motive for this note. I have been feeling a lot weaker lately and I know my time is coming. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but I don't see the point in denying the inevitable. I'm going to die and you're going to keep living.

I want you to go through the motions Austin. Cry, be angry, do what it is you need to do to get over me, because through all that pain, you're going to find happiness on the other side. You're going to find your person. The one who can calm your stormy seas, brighten the darkest days, laugh at your ridiculous jokes. When you find her, hold onto her.

I want you to love again, find someone who can give you all the things I wish I could have. All that I ask is that you make sure she is good enough for you. Make sure she is funny and kind and beautiful inside and out. Honestly if I could pick someone for you I'd pick Anna, but since she's got a boyfriend you may be out of luck there.

Anyway, I'm running out of paper and my hand hurts, but please find happiness, it's all I could ever want for you. Take care of Anna for me too, she won't ever admit when she needs help, but she's going to need someone and there is no one I trust to take care of her, than you.

I love you Austin and I really hope you find love again.

Until we meet again,
Molly"

I wiped the wet tears from my cheeks as the paper shook in my hands.

"I didn't open it until I got home from the hospital that night. I should have known, I mean before she died she told me to take care of you. She knew she was going to die and yet she was more worried about us, in the same way that you're still worried about her. But Anna, Molly's gone." He was crying now too. "She's gone and she's not coming back. Every single thing she wanted me to find in a girl is you. It's you Anna. Your the person she wanted me to find, the only person that can see me at my worst and still manage to make me smile. It's you." He sniffled wiping his face with his hands.

It was all surreal, kind of like a dream where you can't tell if it's real or not. To make matters worse I knew this was a raw place for him. I had seen him cry, really cry twice in the whole time I had known him. The first was when she died and the second was at her funeral. Now I had a third time to add to the list, and much like the times before, all I wanted to do was take the pain away from him.

He moved to get off the bed as I stared at the paper in my hands, the words 'I'd choose Anna' jumping out of the paper at me and I felt as if I had finally got the confirmation I needed.

I grabbed his wrist as he stood to turn away, dropping the paper and turning on my knees to face him. He looked broken, shattered, maybe even a little afraid.

"Be there for him, stay by his side."

That was the promise I had made and in the process I had fallen in love with him for myself.

I reached my hand up to wipe away a few more tears from his face as I felt my own tears falling freely. "I love you, and I love that you trust me enough to show me something so special to you. Austin I don't want to live with regrets okay?"

"What are you saying Anna?" He asked hoarsely.

"I'm saying I want to jump in. I want to be your girlfriend and wake up doing life with you every single day. I want to laugh at your ridiculous jokes, not because they are funny, but because you think they are.

Austin, the whole concept of loving someone completely terrifies me, but living without you scares me a lot more. I want every little piece of you that your willing to give me. So the answer to your question is yes. Yes I want to be your girlfriend. I'll spend every single day showing you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Well, that is, if you still want me?"

He took a minute, his eyes roaming mine before the smallest grin tugged at the side of his mouth and he leaned forward.

"Of course I still want you, I love you."

It was all that needed to be said for me to finish closing the gap and press my lips against his.