Grain & Blood | A Hunger Games collection

System Overload: Chapter Four

Iris

Kamalyn fell asleep a while ago, but I can't bring myself to even shut my eyes. I'm not her, and I never will be. I know that in training, before the arena, I was slightly scared of her overwhelming ability to kill, but then I realised that I am myself, and I am so much better than the scummy mongrel that is the girl on the other side of the room. She needed a boy to keep her alive, I had myself and the memory of the girl I wanted and that was more than enough.

I wish the idiots in this hospital gave Robin the gift of life instead of me. He would like it so much more than I am, and it just sucks that I'm doing this because I don't have a choice. It would be so easy to kill Kamalyn and then kill myself right now, but I'm not going to because she seems to be enjoying the bleached- hair- boy banging after her everywhere, but I'm not.

With a sigh, I step out of bed and step lightly across the tiled floor, towards the window. It's my life now, every time Kamalyn goes to sleep and we're alone, or she leaves for whatever reason, I stare out of the window at the city below me, the lights going off in windows, the dark night changing the atmosphere to something completely different than the daylight. District 9 was never like this by night, it was dark, unsafe streets that never had any hint of happiness to them, unless you looked over at the rich part of town. It was nicer there, but not nice.

Kamalyn whimpers a little in her sleep, which makes me laugh a bit. She's such a different person now, not exactly better, but seemingly younger, somehow, if that's possible. She's scared of more, and relies on people too much. In the arena she was fine, but something's happened to her. It's probably PTSD, but now she's scared of sharp things, like needles, knives, and sometimes even the latch in the door, which I find amusing every time it happens.

She sniffles again, and I roll my eyes. Nothing could ever be the same, I knew that, but the worst part is that this girl could kill me in my sleep and nobody would care. However, if I killed her, I would just get killed too and they would revive her. This system is so biased, and I hate it. All I want to do is go home.

With a sigh, I push open the window and stick my head out into the cold air of the night. There's a small breeze, but mainly the air is still.

"I wish I could go outside..."

Annoyed, I turn away from the window, and start pacing up and down the room, from the door to the window and back. Thinking about home, about everything that could happen but hasn't. About home. About my sister. About Jonen. About Robin. About Rubella. About my mother. About everything. All of it's just enough for me to kill myself, to just throw myself out of the window at any moment. But I won't not until I can go home. If I'm ever allowed to go home.

My pacing blocks out the world around me, so I don't notice it when the door pops open and a nurse walks in.

"Still awake?"

I turn around, surprised, and dive my hand to where my pocket would be, as if to pull out a knife, before remembering that I'm not in the Hunger Games anymore.

"Uh- yeah. Can't sleep."

I wander over to the window again, trying to avoid human interaction. This is the nurse who was kind-ish to me before, and I don't really want to be around people who I can be thankful for.

"Can I get you something to eat?" she asks, evidently not giving up on me.

"No, I'm fine." This reminds me too much of the time before the arena, when I would just eat at midnight.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." No, I'm starving, but I don't want to have to owe anything to people when I can't pay it back.

"Not even a bowl of fried baby squids in tomato sauce?"

"You read my mind." I'm surprised she even knows what my favourite food is, I didn't know anyone had a clue.

"I'll be right back."

She leaves, and I huddle up in a ball on the floor. I don't want to go back to bed, but I want to sleep so much. It's probably something to do with the fact that I've not been allowed to sleep on my own accord since I died, and that's getting to me. Maybe if I was given a little more freedom, treated more like a human, then I wouldn't be so hostile towards everyone, which I've noticed. I am so much less considerate now, so much snappier. But to be quite honest I don't care.

Kamalyn whimpers once again but this time it seems more like she's scared of something. Knives in her dreams? Is she thinking of a time from the arena? I know I constantly do.

"Shut the f*ck up," I mutter. She's driving me insane.

It's as if my words make it even worse.

"Rift! RIFT! HELP!" she screams in her sleep.

And I mean that doesn't remind me of any time in the arena at all. Maybe I just threw a knife into her head?

The nurse is back with my bowl of squids and a small salad on the side.

"Thanks."

She leaves almost immediately, leaving me alone with the girl screaming in her sleep.

By the time I've finished the bowl, Kamalyn has been through three events from the arena. The time that Benedict died at my hands was the best, she was crying so much and tossing in her sleep that I'm surprised she hasn't woken up already.

"We're going to kill your brother first, and then you, and there's nothing you can do about it." She scoffs arrogantly with a laugh. Oh no. Not this.

"You can't kill him," I hiss in return.

"And why's that?" she murmurs, still as annoying as ever, even in her sleep.

"You can't kill him if you're already dead." This scene is permanently ingrained in my memory.

She laughs in her sleep and so do I.

"And what can you do, nine?"

"Come on. I'll show you."

She thrashes in her sleep, like she's walking, and I pick up the knife that came with my meal.

She laughs again, and we both know exactly what's happening.

I throw the knife at the wall, hitting exactly where I aimed for, retrieving and going again.

"She's quite good, actually." I whisper, because nobody else is going to do it.

"Pretty good, nine. I'm going to offer you a deal. You can join the careers, but on one condition. You have to be the one to kill your brother."

Do it. Accept.

I can almost hear my brother's words.

"If that's what I have to do, then I refuse. I wouldn't ever kill him, but I would happily kill you."

"Your choice, nine. But mark my words, you'll regret it someday soon."

"One last thing, Kamalyn, my name is Iris, not nine."

I don't want to write an author's note.

-Katherine