I lost myself loving you || a.hotchner

4

I didn't regret standing my ground against Hotch like I normally would. Usually I'd immediately apologize for stepping out of line, I hadn't really had to do that much since working with the team but I've had my moments. In fact I was proud of myself for not letting him intimidate me, and for some reason I got the feeling he was proud as well. Considering he literally patted me on the shoulder when he returned as well, then I found myself wondering why he was so soft with me. If anyone else talked to him that way he would've gotten pissed off at them, no doubt in my mind. He would've expected an apology. In fact I expected him to be mad at me, yet no signs were shown.

We had a few lead suspects by time midnight hit but not enough to hold them on anything so we couldn't just bring them in. I knew I'd be pacing my room once more when we returned to the hotel. Surely enough, that's exactly what I did. I paced the floor, running everything over in my head over and over again, trying to have some wild break through like I did yesterday but I wasn't so lucky this time. I was only stressing myself out but I couldn't bring myself to stop. Anytime I looked and saw those case files of those poor young ladies, their pictures of who they used to be clipped on the first page, it only motivated me to want to find this bastard as soon as possible.

To bring them the justice that they deserve. I convinced myself I didn't need rest until they got justice. Every five minutes my eyes would wander to the clock on the bedside table, as if I were waiting for just something, anything to change before me. I found myself pacing my hotel room late till the sun rose, the sky tinting with deep oranges and yellows. I took a shower to wake myself up a bit, I got changed and got a coffee from the mini Cafe the hotel had. Though for once, the coffee did nothing for me. I was completely exhausted yet I knew I wouldn't be able to rest. This was my first big tough case and I wasn't taking it too well. I felt responsible even though I surely wasn't. We all felt that way,, everyone just hid it better than me.

As Hotch, JJ, Derek and I made our way to the SUV, I had noticed the looks Hotch kept shooting me, ones of pure concern. I wondered if I had looked as tired as I had felt. Probably. To make matters worse right when we arrived at the precinct, we were informed that another victim was found. 16 year old Amy Champaign. She snuck out and went to a party and never made it home. Parents claimed she had never done anything like that before. Rossi and Emily went to go see the crime scene while the rest of us hung back. "I guess this kinda proves my theory. Except he seemingly now is dipping towards younger victims." I say, with a slight confusion to my words.

"He's just discovering what he likes." Derek says causing me to look over him. This isn't good. Well it did help us build a better profile, but if he's targeting children now, this case just got all that more serious and complex all at once. Thankfully that narrowed the new information and confirmed the truth that my theory held, we were able to narrow it down and build a more accurate profile of the unsub, held a press conference and also delievered it to the officers at the precinct as well.

The whole time from the back of the room, the detective smirked at me, it growing wider into a menacing grin when he noticed that I had noticed his attempted intimidating gaze on me. I simply averted my gaze elsewhere as I chimed in to help deliver it. As we were heading to the conference room, a hand grabbed onto my wrist and I turned, face to face with the detective. Yet before I could even say a word, a voice cut in. "Hands off of my agent, detective or you won't have much use of them anymore." Hotch says and I turned to look at him and he looked pissed off. Genuinely.

He slowly let go of my wrist, the smug look still on his face. "This is my case and I won't have you all acting in the ways that you have been." The detective says and Hotch raised his eyebrows and let out a chuckle, leaning down a bit to invade his personal space, pointing a finger in his face before he spoke. "You invited us here, it's our case now too. You're not my boss, I'm the boss. If you don't like it, go sit in your office like a prick and let us do our job. You touch or intimidate any member of my team and I'll have your job. Understood?" Hotch says, a cool calmness to his words that made them all that more scary. He carried himself like he knew he had everything under control and that no one could stop him or would. It's what made him such a good leader for our team I suppose.