I lost myself loving you || a.hotchner

8

I stayed at work late that night. Not because I needed to do so or necessarily wanted to, but I just felt horrible. The more I played the fight over in my head the more I realized it was really my fault and I didn't even know where to begin to apologize to Aaron about it. I didn't even entirely know where our relationship stood and I knew that if he decided it were to be over, it'd be on me for pushing him to that point.

I sighed as I nervously tapped my fingers against the wooden desk, glancing around the empty bullpen. I looked up at Hotchs window, his light was off, as he had already left 20 minutes prior.

I think what hurt the most is he didn't even glance at me when he left, he just did so. I really hurt him I'm afraid. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a sigh, letting my head fall into my palm as I stared down at the work I already completed. I didn't need to be here right now but I couldn't bring myself to leave for some reason. My phone buzzed on my desk and I stared at it silently for a bit, jumping as it buzzed again.

Hotch: I think we need to talk about the fight earlier. I think we both said things we didn't mean to. I'd like to allow us both to explain ourselves?

Hotch: You better not still be at work, Y/l/n. Even I'm not there anymore.

I stared blankly at the texts, rolling my thoughts around in my head as I thought about how to even reply. The apologetic tone reassured me a bit, him wanting to talk could be genuine or it could be him wanting to break up. Yet the more I read over it, the more it leaned towards him wanting to fix this rather than completely destroy it.

Hotch: Stop over thinking, will you come over to my place? I'd appreciate it greatly if you could just allow me to listen as I hope you will?

Y/n: I think that's a great idea, leaving now

Hotch: Thank you.

I smiled slightly before packing up my stuff and heading out of the bullpen, leaving the building to head to my car. I still felt nervous as I headed over to his place, parking my car right behind his in his driveway. I turned off my car and sat for a bit, mentally preparing myself. I saw the front door open, watching as Hotch stepped out onto his porch, dressed down into a maroon t shirt and dark grey sweatpants gesturing for me to come over to him and I let out a sigh, tapping my hands nervously against the wheel before I grabbed my keys, pushing open the car door. It felt awkward, the walk from my car to the porch. I felt out of place.

As I walked up the steps, Hotch opened the front door, gesturing for me to go inside and I did, him following behind me. I noticed the living room was dimly lit, and the next room over was even more dimly lit with just candles. "I made us dinner, Salmon, lemon roasted asparagus." He says softly and I jumped slightly when I felt him place a hand on my back, leading me to sit down. "I feel over dressed." I say jokingly, gesturing to my flared slacks and grey button up shirt. "You shouldn't have stayed late at work then hm?" Hotch jokes back, a soft smile on his face as he sat across from me.

I fiddled with my fork, getting the courage to speak. I didn't want to make things awkward but he deserved an apology. "I owe you an apology." I say softly, looking up from my lap to meet his eyes and he let out a small sigh, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. You were right I wasn't forced into doing anything, I was just as wrong. I just.. I was stressed and I should've handled it better. I'm sorry." He says, genuine with his words. I sat quiet for a bit, before I softly smiled, meeting his gaze again. "I said I owe you an apology, not the other way around, dummy." I say jokingly and he smiled, taking a bite of his food as he playfully kicked me from under the table.