["I stood there: waiting, wanting, hoping, feeling. Allowing the sensations of the world to consume me as I stared deeply into the pools of honey that were his eyes. I wanted no more than to dive right in. For him to hold me close and never let go."...
["I missed you so fucking much." He whispered, his face pressed deeply into the nape of my neck.]
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~Embry~
I glanced to Casey immediately as Sam and I walked through the door, not trying to seem like I was staring. I'd been none-stop thinking about him all day. He'd been my anchor to both ground me and yet, be the life vest keeping me afloat. It was almost maddening to feel so strongly for someone so close to you, and at the same time, be so emotionally far away. Maybe that was the point. Maybe I had to travel a bit to unlock pieces of the map before I got to the destination. And instead, the important thing was the journey from beginning to the end, or in other words, the start of something new.
I didn't know what I was thinking, but I recognized that all of my questions revolved around Casey. Therefore, they must be answered by him, and somehow by me, eventually.
"Well, of course. How could I forget you?" Emily grinned and dangled her arms around Sam's neck.
"I have no idea." He leaned down and kissed her head, making her chuckle.
A deep fire burned in the pit of my stomach. It bubbled upwards until my thoughts became bombarded with the reality of my loveless life: no boyfriend, no girlfriend (ew), no anybody. No one gave a damn about me besides my friends and Casey. And just watching Sam and Emily be so affectionate and everyone else be so close, I couldn't help but feel both admiration and discontent. I was envious. I wanted that. I craved it.
I knew that being a part of this pack meant I would have another family to call my own (Casey included), but at the end of the day, a hole would remain. I might've still had Casey, but it wasn't exactly how I wanted him. Not at all. I yearned for so much more than that, even if holding him in my arms and whispering sweet nothings was just a pipe dream.
"Ew! Cooties!" Jared shot up from his seat and pointed at the couple. "Hurry, Paul! We must flee before it spreads to us!" Jared grabbed Paul's plate of food (his own was barren at this point) and bolted out the door.
"Hey! I was still eating that!" Paul grumbled and raced after Jared in hot pursuit.
I couldn't help but laugh at the odd scene in front of me, along with Casey, who had seemed to finally take his eyes off the floor after the chaos that just occurred.
"What am I going to do with them?" Sam shook his head with a laugh.
"Love them unconditionally." Emily smiled and turned back to the stove.
As Sam and Emily spoke, I could tell Casey was trying his best not to make eye contact by the way he quickly focused on fidgeting with his hands. He wasn't very inconspicuous when it came to hiding his worries. At least, it always felt so obvious to me. He was concerned for my well-being; he was concerned about everything. That's just how he was.
