"What's fine? You held it in for so long and I know you're silently crying"
"When you feel like this again, please . . . Don't leave yourself for too long. You're destroying yourself. And I can't bear to see you breaking"
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{ Song: Telepathy - BTS }
☆彡
Jana stood in front of the large mirror in her hotel room's bathroom. It was big enough for her to see from her head till her mid thigh. She did a 360 and turned from side to side while looking at herself. She still believed that she was fat. It had been a few days since she had danced and she started to worry. She definitely put on weight during that time period. Or so she thought. She stepped closer to inspect her face. At least I still have a sharp jawline. But what good is a pretty face when the rest is ugly?
She sighed as she started drying her hair. She was so frustrated. Why did she keep thinking like that? Why couldn't she just get rid of those useless thoughts? It wasn't like she didn't know the right thing to do; she was fully aware of how starvation only aids in temporary weight loss. The long term damage could be fatigue, malnutrition, and disturbed metabolism. And many many more. Jana liked to believe that she was a logical, science driven person. But why couldn't she stop being irrational? Why did she still believe that she was fat when her BMI was saying otherwise?
That's what eating disorders do. They install certain ideas in your mind and force you to do whatever it takes to achieve them. They make you see yourself in a whole new light, though a shameful one it is. They make you despise yourself, starve yourself, workout till the verge of passing out, and destroy your relationships by attempting to keep it all in the shadows. It's a mentally and physically draining disorder; one that has taken many lives.
She quickly washed her face to get rid of any tear stains and went back to the room. She smiled when she spotted Taehyung and Jungkook sitting on the bed with their eyes glued to the TV screen as they played Overwatch. Jungkook and Jana had discovered that Taehyung stayed in the same hotel as them, more so in the room right next door, when they bumped into him earlier on their way back. Jungkook immediately invited him to play together on his Xbox, and after making sure his schedule was cleared, Taehyung agreed. Jana moved towards them as she eyed the empty plastic wraps of chips and other snacks.
"Yah! Don't leave trash around the place, do I really have to clean up after you?" She started picking up the wrappers and throwing them in the trash can, having one thought run through her mind. To enjoy junk food like that again. It was a simple action that most did without even thinking. But truly, you never realize the value of something until you lose it.
Taehyung groaned when his character was killed again and fell back on the bed. "How are you so good at this?"
"I'm not, you're just not good at this."
"Hey!" He whined as he heard the younger giggle. "I should get going now. I have a busy schedule tomorrow."
Taehyung turned to the door to leave with the other two seeing him off and wishing him good night.
