"What's fine? You held it in for so long and I know you're silently crying"
"When you feel like this again, please . . . Don't leave yourself for too long. You're destroying yourself. And I can't bear to see you breaking"
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{ Song: Rain - BTS }
☆彡
The clinking sound of keys was heard as Jana opened the apartment door. Turning the knob, she went in only to be met with the sight of a panicking Seokjin talking on the phone.
He turned his head towards her direction when he heard the sound of the closing door.
"... No, never mind she's back. Sorry for worrying you. Yeah, I'll tell her to call him." With that being said, he hung up and placed the phone on the coffee table, then turned to look at her with a warning glare.
"Why were you out till twelve o five at midnight?"
"Taking a walk."
"At twelve o five in the middle of the night?!"
She dismissed his outburst then proceeded to take off her shoes and place her keys on a shelf next to the door.
"You know, it's rude not to respond when someone is talking to you." He crossed his arm, still glaring at her.
"Oh, you wanna talk about being rude?" She scoffed then turned to make her way to her room but was stopped by Seokjin grabbing her wrist.
"What is wrong with you? Do you have any idea how worried I was? Yoongi said he dropped you off two hours ago. What if something had happened to you while you were out this late."
She shrugged off his hold and turned to face him. "First of all, don't touch me. Second,Why the hell do you care?! My whereabouts are none of your fucking business!"
"Watch your language with me. If you haven't realized yet, you're my responsibility until your mother gets back. From now on you're going to tell me when and where you go out." He spoke in a calm yet threatening tone.
"Un-fucking-believable." She muttered then stormed towards her room.
"And call that Jungkook guy! He's been worried sick." She managed to hear him before slamming her door shut.
The following day, Jana woke up earlier than usual and got ready for school. She gathered her school supplies in her backpack and headed out to the living room. She saw Seokjin sitting on the couch, going over some of his notes. He looked up at her when he heard her coming out of her room.
"You're up early today."
"Yeah."
The silence was deafening. The atmosphere was still quite awkward from the tension between them caused by the events that took place the night before. Seokjin stood up and headed to the kitchen to start with breakfast with Jana following behind him to get her water bottle from the fridge.
"You wanna help me with breakfast?"
"No thanks. I'm not hungry."
"What? But you never skip breakfast."
"And how would you know that?"
"We've been living together for the past month and you always make sure to never skip breakfast."
Jana stood in silence, taking in what was said to her before letting out a scoff.
"You don't know me. I better get going now or I'll be late." With that she was out the door.
Seokjin stared at the spot where she was standing a few seconds ago then shifted his gaze to the clock. "School starts in two hours, though." He sighed before proceeding to prepare a light snack for himself. He wasn't in the mood to eat much anymore.
Jana was walking by the sidewalk, with no particular destination in mind. Her body was physically there, but her head was up in the clouds. A lot of thoughts invaded her mind all at once. Thoughts about Jimin's well being, thoughts about the dance competition, and thoughts that she didn't think would come crashing back after a year of being fine. Self doubt and scrutinization settled within her after that encounter with Jimin at the gym the day before. She hated that. She thought that she had dealt with those intrusive thoughts a long while ago, why would they come back now? Why would she start doubting her capabilities now? Why would she start hating how she looked now? Why now?
She was a girl with confidence and charisma, but when you really observe her, she was a girl with a lot of insecurities and inner struggles. She was known to be pessimistic, but that was all she let show. Just superficial negativity, no deep or ulterior meaning behind it. And though she knew she was in a bad place, she never once sought help from anyone under the excuse of "they already have their own problems, mine will just add more pressure" She did consider herself an independent person after all; she could help herself by herself and there was no need to bother anyone else.
Jana let out an exasperated sigh and made her way to the gym. It was only 5:25 in the morning, might as well make use of those two hours before school.
The same scene unfolded yet again. She was sprawled on the floor with her eyes closed, her chest heaving up and down in a fast pace to compensate for the oxygen loss. Not enough. This is not enough. I need to do better, I need to look better. Her eyes shot open at the sound of her ringing phone. She slowly got up, her arms and thighs were aching from the intense dancing session she had just had. She looked over the caller ID. Yoongi.
She stared at the phone for a few seconds, contemplating whether to pick up. She then decided to silence the phone. She didn't want to deal with a worried Yoongi asking about her whereabouts and well being. She was grateful for him, but she wasn't ready to be bombarded with questions; she still had an apprehensive Jungkook to deal with.
The time on her phone read 7:15. She collected her bag and left the gym, on her way to start a lovely day at school. It would be a lie to say that she looked forward to it. She had barely eaten, barely slept, and didn't want to face another mind torturing chemistry quiz.
