"What's fine? You held it in for so long and I know you're silently crying"
"When you feel like this again, please . . . Don't leave yourself for too long. You're destroying yourself. And I can't bear to see you breaking"
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{ Song: Blue Side - Jhope }
☆彡
It was late in the afternoon when Hoseok bid his classmates goodbye and started on his way back to his house. He slowly let his bright smile fall, a grim look taking over. Yes, he was faking it. Faking his lovely signature smile. Faking enthusiasm. Faking happiness. He faked it all to keep those around him cheerful and hopeful. But the thing was, he was not aware of it all being fake. To him, it was just attempting to stay optimistic. If his friends couldn't be hopeful, he could at least make it a bit brighter for them, lying to himself and unaware of his real emotions.
He arrived at his house and started looking around. Great, dad isn't home. He then walked up the stairs to his room, dropping his backpack on the floor by his desk and turning on his speakers. He played his usual go-to song and started dancing.
Now when it came to Hoseok, dancing was his everything. His passion, his happiness, his obsession. Just put him in a room with music and he'd be soaring. Creating combinations of dance moves and moving precisely to the beat were his comfort zone. He knew it was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. That was the reason why he so badly wanted to win the dance competition. It was a chance for him to get a scholarship for his dream major.
He suddenly halted his movements when he heard the sound of keys clinking and a door closing. He quickly turned off the speakers and hurried to his desk to open his physics textbook and pretended to study. Not long after he had settled down on his chair, the door to his room opened viewing the tall figure of his father. Hoseok's father was the epitome of a strict parent, carrying his sharp, stoic grimace everywhere he went. He was hard on Hoseok under the impression of wanting the best for him, completely overlooking the heartbroken state of his son as he degraded his dreams and dismissed them as a "rebellious phase" and a "silly hobby".
"What were you doing just now?" His stone cold voice echoed around the room, making Hoseok tense up in his seat.
"Umm, studying."
"Don't lie to me, boy. I could hear the music playing just a second ago. When are you going to stop playing around and get serious?"
"I'm being serious, dad. I want to major in dancing. I'm working hard to get a scholar-"
"When are you going to stop this none sense!" His sudden outburst made Hoseok flinch and lower his gaze to the floor. "Dancing is but a measly hobby, you need to study hard so that you can become an engineer or a lawyer. Something that will actually benefit you in the future."
Seeing as Hoseok didn't plan on answering any time soon, his father went on.
"Why did I get a call from your school saying that you're failing physics? Do you really need me to get involved in your life?"
As if you're not.
"If I get a call like that again, I'm going to take away your phone and speakers and forbid you from going to the gym again. Get real and start working. Unbelievable." He muttered the last part as he left the room and closed the door behind him.
Hoseok relaxed his back against the chair and looked up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, trying his best not to let his tears leak. This was not the first time they had that same conversation, but it always had the same outcome. Hoseok didn't understand his father at all. Why did he hate dancing so much? Why did he hate it when Hoseok did what he loved? Why would he be so harsh. Hoseok always dismissed his father's rigorous words and worked hard to prove his father wrong; however his father's words this time seemed to affect him more than usual. A gloomy, overwhelming feeling seemed to take over him. Despair. He started to feel desperate. His father would never agree with him on anything and would probably force him into a field he hated.
Hoseok decided to put all those negative emotions aside, turning to the mirror and showing off his bright smile. "I can do this." He muttered. He then focused back on his physics book and started studying. Maybe if he showed some improvement, his father would be willing to at least listen? Yeah, small chance but at least worth the try.
***
Two hours had passed and Hoseok started burning out from solving too many physics questions. Hoseok was known to be the social butterfly who befriended everyone; never ever had he had any enemies. Or so he thought. He had apparently found his arch enemy. Fuck you, physics. He let out a groan and leaned back in his chair, stretching his stiff muscles. He was not used to sitting down for so long; he would have to get up and move around or at least fidget in his seat.
He grabbed his wallet and moved his feet towards the door and out of the house without informing his father; he knew he wouldn't care about his whereabouts. He just wanted to enforce his beliefs and ideas on Hoseok and make him become the perfect son he imagined him to be.
He walked around to the convenient store, purchased an energy drink then made his way to a bench nearby. The dance competition was the only thing on his mind. He dismissed his physics homework and his father's outburst earlier and only focused on what he deemed important. The winners of the competition would be given a one year scholarship to the Seoul Fine Arts and Music School as well as prize money. That was his dream. He could not let that chance slide. He had to win. Especially since he knew that his father would not be willing to help him.
He snapped out of his thoughts when his eyes fell on a familiar figure walking on the pavement across the street. The usual shoulder length, golden brown hair, earphones in as she bopped her head to the beat and the mesmerizing smile he memorized by heart. There goes that weird feeling again. He'd been getting that certain feeling quite frequently lately. Every time they would practice, his eyes would unconsciously land on her and observe her every move. He would smile whenever she smiled, and feel the constant need of being in her presence. He wanted her attention, got upset when she would talk about other guys. He knew he shouldn't feel that way; she was his girl best friend. But it wasn't under his control. He just wanted her. He let out a deep sigh. Why do I like you?
