"What's fine? You held it in for so long and I know you're silently crying"
"When you feel like this again, please . . . Don't leave yourself for too long. You're destroying yourself. And I can't bear to see you breaking"
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{ Song: Blue&Grey - BTS }
☆彡
The first thing Jana did when she woke up one morning was take a shower and check her weight on the scale. It had become a routine now. She would eat as close to nothing as possible the entire day then weigh herself the following morning. And if she did eat, a horrible feeling of guilt would soon follow. Guilt. It's an emotion known to be felt when one does a wrong deed. So why did she feel guilty every time she ate? Why did she feel like she was committing a horrible crime when all she did was a normal action to survive? Eating is an essential part of living, yet Jana somehow feared it. How ironic it is to be afraid of something that keeps you alive. Despite its importance, She liked to refer to it as a form of hypocrisy. Why does food look, smell, and taste good, but makes me look bad in the end. Food is so hypocritical.
Exams week was a couple of days away, and it's safe to say that Jana was panicking. She had no idea why; she wasn't the type to stress over exams, but for some reason she was getting really anxious about the chemistry exam specifically. "Chemistry should be considered a cause of depression and anxiety" she'd say.
She stood on the scale and observed the number shown below. 47.6. I lost 7 kilograms in two weeks. That's normal, right? Who am I kidding, it's not. It's going downhill. Still not enough, though. She stepped down and began putting on her outfit for the day, which consisted of black leggings with the oversized black hoodie she stole from Jungkook and black sneakers. Fortunately, it was Saturday, so she decided to spend the entire day at the gym practicing. Alone. Her conflict with Hoseok the other day was not yet resolved, and it hadn't once left her mind. She hated fighting with people close to her, but lately that seemed to happen quite a lot. Jungkook seemed off recently as well; she made a mental note to check on him later. She decided to shut her mind for a while and left her room, pacing towards the door to head out.
"Where do you think you're going?"
Of course her pretend mom had to interfere. Again.
"Just gonna walk around."
"No breakfast again? It's been two weeks."
"How long do you plan on acting like my mother? You're not obliged to care, you know." She heard him sigh and walk over to where she stood by the door.
"I do care. I have to. You're my responsibility for the time being," He looked away and scratched his head before mumbling in a soft voice. "And I'm sorry for being rude to you when you first came. I just had a lot on my plate at the time and didn't want to deal with anyone. Yoongi being an exception that is."
To say that she was shocked would be an understatement. Seokjin? Her narcissistic temporary guardian? Apologizing? That definitely broke her daily routine.
"Oh, apology accepted then. I understand. Although it would be better if you can control your emotions and not lash out at anyone who hadn't done anything wrong to you."
