Is It Worth The Pain

I had no idea...

TW: SH!!!

After 3rd period we all went to lunch. I had a burger and fries, and like usual my pickle was stolen by Jade. It had kind of become a thing that happened every time I had one with lunch, but somehow the fact that we were sharing food felt different now. It made me happy.

Everyone had finished eating and I looked to my side to see Jade. She looked like she was burning up. She was sweating, and like the crying situation that's only happened once.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah i'm alright, I just feel a little sick"

"You look like you're burning up! Let me take that" I went to take off the flannel shirt to cool her off  "Don't do that, please Stop Tori" I looked into her eyes. She looked petrified. "Jade, why? What's wrong?" I saw tears begin to form in her eyes before she went "I'm sorry" and then started to walk away. I went after her trying to make sure she's okay. She dropped the shirt on the way "Jade! Wait." She stopped for a second to look at me and I finally understood what was wrong.

Underneath her shirt were dozens of self harm scars. Some old and faded, some bright red and recently done. I was shocked. "Jade?" I was on the verge of tears. "I- I'm sorry" I couldn't say another thing before she had already gone.

"I'm gonna go see what's wrong" I already knew but I couldn't tell them the truth. Not unless Jade wanted to tell them.

I searched most of the school before realizing she'd probably be in our spot. I ran to the Janitors closet and there she was. Scissors to the skin, arm covered in blood "JADE!" I burst into the room practically chucked my bags out of shock. I ran straight over to her and grabbed the scissors off her and just hugged her.

"Jade, why do you do this?" Both of us were in tears at this point. "Uh- i- i- um-" She stuttered.

"It's just, I feel like I deserve it," she admitted. "I like the pain, I like how it looks when I see blood dripping down my arm. How I can feel the bumps on my skin. It's just a way of punishing myself I guess" I honestly couldn't believe it. She is perfect. She didn't need to be punished for anything. "How long has this been happening?"

"It first started when I met you. Ever since I first saw you I immediately liked you. My parents are homophobic and I thought you deserve more than me. A mentally unstable piece of shit. So I ended up having a go at you and bullying you 24/7 so I could try to get over you. But I just couldn't. So I started doing this to punish myself for hurting you. But I still could never get over you. Now we're are together I thought I could stop but I can't. It still feels deserved because I don't deserve you. I love you tori I always have"

"Jade, i- i don't deserve you. Not the other way round. You are beautiful, caring, even though you used to bully me. I don't care about the past anymore. I only care about the future. I want to spend the rest of time with you."

"You do?" she asked me so cutely.

"Of course I do. I feel empty when I'm without you. I don't actually know how I used to live without you. You are the bestest person a girl could ever ask for"

I grabbed my mini first aid kit that I kept in my bag. I wiped down her arm and bandaged her up. I love her. I really do. We were both still crying whilst I kissed each each and every bandage. Whilst looking her in the eye I said. "Jade you mean the world to me please don't do this"

"But I bullied you so much how could you care about an idiot like me. I chucked coffee on you, i got you weeks of detention i-" I couldn't cope with what she was saying. She was just bullying herself at this point. So I went for the easiest way to shut her up.

I forgot how good it felt when we connected. As I kissed her neck, she moaned a little, startling us both. "Well that wasn't meant to happen i'm sorry" she said giggling "It's fine Jade" We were both laughing now. I loved her little giggle and her smile. Her everything.

Stuff it, why not.

"Jade West, will you be my Girlfriend?" The smile on her face grew so big. I've never seen her so happy before. "Yes, yes I will. But tell a soul and I will-" I kissed her again. I didn't care if I had to keep this a secret. As long as she was mine, as long as I could hold her in my arms.

"Tori?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever need to shut me up again please do it that way"

"Of course b-" I paused for a second "Of course, babe" She was shocked that I called her babe. Did she hate it or love it though? As she slammed our lips together and kissed me once more I kind of gathered that she loved it.